Slump

by Ardor

Published March 6, 2012

Distressed:
down in a hole
People:
they'll never know
Friendships:
they never last
Lovers:
dead as the snow

In a slump.
Nothing to do.
In a slump.
Comments & reviews · 2
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Cailey
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Cailey commented Comment · Mar 7, 2012

I agree, add an introduction that ties in with the conclusion. Also, punctuation in the first stanza, I thought you meant people never knew friendships. So, you could clear that up by adding punctuation. Also, I like dead as the snow. Add some more imagery to the other lines and that could help a lot. :) Hope this review was in some way helpful or something. Keep writing!

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tgirly
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tgirly commented Comment · Mar 6, 2012

I really like the format of this poem, the word and the description. I feel like something with the "slump" part should be at the beginning too so that it all fits. But then again I kind of like how it's just a short little poem thats straight to the point. Keep writing, thanks for sharing the poem!

Tgirly



Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it is far too easy to do your worst.
— Castiel