Published March 17, 2007
We wrote limericks in Creative Writing yesterday to celebrate St. Patty's Day. Enjoy?
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One day I met a man from Great Britain
Upon an ice cream truck a-sittin’
He sold me the sugar
Then sneezed up a booger
And wiped off the cone with a mitten
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There once was a man from the ocean
Who sold bottles of silky-soft lotion
Poured some on a dish
To give to a fish
But the lotion was a dangerous potion
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Today I saw a frog with a top hat
Who thought that his dear wife was too fat
He gave her a book
And a terrible look
And soon his wife’s tummy was real flat
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Hey,
Just a few things!
1. It's Paddys day! Not "Patty's" day. Patty is a womans name! I'm from Ireland, I should know! As a matter of fact I come from the city of Limerick, and it may interest you to know that there is a museum dedicated to these nonsensicle poems in our town centre.
2. They were poor Limericks and had very little flow to them. They were creative, I'll give you that and I liked that you tried to incorporate more adult language in them, but unfortunately it doesn't work. Complexity=bad limerick!
3. P.O.I.: Limericks naturally occur in the Irish language which is strongly poetic. Ta me liofa as Gaeilge(I'm fluent in Irish)! Just taught I'd add that in!
4. Have a nice Paddy's day! Try not to drink to much! I, on the other hand have no choice but to continue on a proud tradition: Guinness, Whiskey, etc
Here's a short rhyme (I didn't make up, but I'm sure it'll put you in the mood):
One Tequila,
Two Tequila,
Three Tequila,
FLOOR!
They're very cute, and childish
I love them.
I know you know better than this!
But your all too noticeable lack of dialog hurts them. Punctuate
Oh: and "There once was a man" seems cliché.
But of course you could leave it as is, and be without problem, I'm sure.