The van rumbles to a halt
I feel like my heart’s been struck by a thunderbolt
We’re home, we finished driving down
Honestly, I wish we could just turn around
Just take me back to St Louis
I don’t think I can do this anymore
Before this hard life can undo me
I need to get back to St Louis
I miss all the fun we had
With my cousins, I miss it terribly bad
When we whispered in our nightgowns
And skied on the Mississippi till the sun went down
Oh please take me back to St Louis
I don’t think I can do this anymore
Before this hard life can undo me
I need to get back to St Louis
St Louis is my favorite place on earth
It’s practically been that way since my birth
Underneath the missouri moon
I’ll wait for the next trip up, I’ll be there soon
Yes, I’ll be there soon
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142,615 Literary Works • 679,153 Reviews
Hi, Noirmont here to review!
It's got a lot of southern charm to it that I can certainly identify with. Very nostalgic, which lines up with your themes of missing it and wishing you could be there as opposed to home.Firstly, I love the cover art for this piece! It's really beautiful! I think it nicely captures the moody, warm feeling of your poem as well, which is great. It instantly drew me in.
I do want to comment on your formatting, as it does vary without; which is fine as a stylistic choice, but I think it threw off the flow a bit for me, personally. Some stanzas have lines that rhyme sequentially, whilst others skip a line in order to complete the rhyme. I do see that you've created a pattern in that every other stanza (the chorus) is the only one to vary from the sequential rhyming, but I wonder if the flow would read better in sticking to one or the other. Completely optional! I do think it reads like a song, which is how you've labeled it, so maybe just ignore me completely, lol.
On that note, it feels very much like a country song! That's how it translates in my mind, anyway, which is so fun. I loveee the references to the Mississippi river and your cousins.
Nice work! I'm looking forward to seeing what you write next!