watch me be emo and laugh at this because it is crap.

by Chevy

Published May 16, 2005

In Old Poetry

wellll i already commented on this...but just so everyone can see it:

morgan: O.O
brad: o.s
morgan: your poems are starting to worry me...
brad: oh?
morgan: yea, its like you always leave me hanging...
brad: pray, do explain.
brad: or, you know, don't.
morgan: "You know how much I love him
from the way his name gushes from
my lips and you know how much he loves me
but it won't stop you from splitting us
apart." i dunna know...just seems like you stopped there...like there should have been something else.
brad: you're not very clear. what should have been there?
brad: more?
brad: ...what?
morgan: more of the story, i guess. it's like youre telling a story but you didnt finish
morgan: but then again, thats probably me being nosy

---

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
bubblewrapped
Review
bubblewrapped wrote a review Review · May 16, 2005

I'm surprised at the lackluster reviews this poem is getting- I really enjoyed it. Particularly the last stanza. It all flowed wonderfully. Sometimes I find your poems a little hard to flow with but this one was brisk and eloquent and I just liked it. So yeah. :shock: It is early in the morning here so you'll have to forgive my lack of intelligent response. :lol:

Random avatar
emotion_less
Comment
emotion_less commented Comment · May 16, 2005

"Him and I have had this conversation "

Shouldn't it be "he and I"? Or am I missing some big point you're trying to make there?

I liked it, but the last line sort of bugged me... I'm not sure why.

User avatar
Firestarter
Review
Firestarter wrote a review Review · May 16, 2005

I read this originally and thought I didn't like it but on further re-read it does have a certain "niceness" to it, with the whole family thing. But overall it just seems to..eh...I don't know. I lose any shreds of eloquence I have when trying to describe what I don't like about this, but it just doesn't seem..."right". (I'll self-nominate this for worst critique of the year award)



"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites