Confusion

by Confused.pirate

Published September 5, 2011

In Poetry

Spoiler! :
I had to write a poem for my creative writing class that was describing an emotion without saying the emotion in the poem, except for the title. Please critique as much as you can! :)


Sitting in a dark tunnel
limp with rags
I cry out into the abyss.

Anxiety of the unknown
shakes within my core,
shivering like a first kiss.

A sea of uncertainty,
drowning my courage and conceit,
killing my dream of confidence.

A tug-o-war of the heart
strings tearing and fraying
tomorrow’s possible fate.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
tgirly
Review
tgirly wrote a review Review · Sep 12, 2011

I wanted more. If there isn't a limit, I'd make it longer, if I were you. I like it lot, but I'm not sure if the first stanza describes confusion as well as the others. I really like the others. You have great metaphors and voice. It was confusion, but then I felt it was more specific than that, like it was a certain type of confusion if that makes sense? I felt it was a more subdued confusion, instead of a panicky confusion, if that makes sense. Usually when we think about confusion, we think about the latter and not the former like your poem did which makes it unique. I thought you did a really good job describing the former. Good job.
Hope this helps.
-tgirly

User avatar
Twinkle4ever
Review
Twinkle4ever wrote a review Review · Sep 5, 2011

Here's my review.
I would say that the first two paragraphs do reflect the feeling of confusion.
But when you say

Confused.pirate wrote:killing the dream of confidence.

It seems to reflect a feeling of helplessnesss (That's only what I think. I'm sure everybody will have a different point of view) It's all about how much you're able to make the reader understand and interpret the feeling described here.
Confused.pirate wrote:ripping and tearing
the choices of tomorrow.

Here, when you use the word 'choices', it makes me think that there is a confusion in chosing something. (Good choice of words here.)
That's all I can say. Keep on writing! :)



Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold