Eclipse's embrace

This is a very beautiful poem! I read in your reply below that you are a beginner, and yet this seems like the work of someone truly talented!

There are a few grammatical errors throughout the poem that I've tried my best to point out below.

The moon slumbers and turns
Shhh, don't wake
You'll hear the the melody singing a tune
To quiet the asteroids and rocking moon

You've accidentally said 'the' twice here

This opening sets a tone that reminds me of a lullaby, like you could sing this whilst rocking someone to sleep. However, it's almost ominous too, like waking the moon could be a treacherous move.

Sitting, in a empty room
You want to fly
Only time will tell
When your consumed by the void
You, won't see a thing

You don't need the two commas I made bold.

The 'a' should be 'an' --> remember, if the next work starts with a vowel, like empty does, you would use 'an'

The wrong 'your' is used. It should be 'you're' as in 'you are'

A pressure you cannot avoid
Feel the heat
Don't breathe
Maybe run
Or face the anger and wrath of the blistering sun

I like how short and quick this stanza is. It creates a more tense tone.

You dare disturb the lining of the stars, planets and her moon
You'll have wished you hadn't done so at all soon
Best prepare for your wings to melt, wannabe Icarus
You've gone to far, above and beyond
Pay the price with the sunny side
And a sword men's swing

'to' should be 'too' --> "too" is used when you're referring to an excess or a degree beyond what's wanted or acceptable, which is what you're saying here.

The sword line doesn't make grammatical sense. Men's is possessive, implying the 'swing' belongs to them, which can't be right. I assume you mean "And a sword that men swing" or
"And a sword swung by men" or something similar

Go home, to Mother Gaia
The sun is not so merciful
As your plentiful land claims to be

I think syaing 'the sun is not AS merciful' makes a bit more sense here.

Just leave
Just leave the sun and her moon to cradle
the souls that keeps them tied
A love never ending, a moon will only shine with their sun looking at her slowly with tender care

since you capitalise the start of every new line, you should capitalise this one too. 'keeps' should be 'keep'

So leave.....
Leave them be
Or face a lover's embrace broken
Of who they can't stand not to be near another

"Of who they can't stand not to be near another" has a double negative ("can't stand not to") and a dangling "another," so it's unclear who is near whom. I think what you mean is that the sun and moon can't bear to be apart. You could just say: 'Two lovers who can't bear to be apart'

Leave, leave, and go
And never turn your shoulder back when you fall, you have been warned...

the comma could be a semi-colon here!

If these were fixed, the poem would be even better! <3

This poem reminds of Icarus.you made it feel like a huge mythological universe and the imagery is so good! The poem has a actual progression showing story-like narration.the ending is strong,the line

A love never ending, a moon will only shine with their sun looking at her slowly with tender care

Is soo good. Although I would recommend improving the clarity cuz few sentences like
“And a sword man swings” I didn’t understand the meaning of this sentence and overall the poem is really pretty but just don’t over polish it and make it a generic space poem
I just would like to suggest Change in title like “The sun’s warning” ig it’s upon you