Published March 18, 2010
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142,260 Literary Works • 677,100 Reviews
Hi David! Welcome to YWS! I'll say, this poem was very nice. It kind of reminded me of the old, short version of the epic poems you would see in medieval times. I'm sorry I can't be of further help, but I quite liked it, and there weren't really any problems besides a few misplaced commas. You've got a nice strong writing style, so keep it up, and PM me if you have any questions.
Au Revior,
Elinor