Longing for a lost Lover

by Demoness

Published February 17, 2011

In Pieces of Poetry

Longing for a lost lover

Thunder, I’m a spirit who wanders the universe on my own
Through eternity, dear Thunder, I walk alone.
Thou are not, Thunder, my owner.
Truth is, I’m a mere loner.

Thunder, you're longing for someone you cannot have,
I'm a mere shadow, I won't return your love.
I would instruct you not to ever wonder.
You'll get lost, when you see me yonder.

Thunder dear, you do not own me,
Because you see love, I am free.
Your love for me is stunning,
but I’ll keep running

- As you keep wonder, if I’ll ever be yours.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Demoness
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Demoness commented Comment · Feb 18, 2011

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danipower0204
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danipower0204 wrote a review Review · Feb 18, 2011

Longing for a lost lover

Thunder, I’m a spirit who wanders the universe on my own
Through eternity, dear Thunder, I walk alone.
Thou are not, Thunder, my owner.
Truth is, I’m a mere loner.

Thunder, you're longing for someone you cannot have,
I'm a mere shadow, I won't return your love.
I would instruct you not to ever wonder,
You'll get lost, when you see me yonder.

Thunder dear, you do not own me,
Because you see, I am free.
My beloved Thunder,
I’ll keep wander. - It would have to be "wandering" which would kill the rhyme. I suggest you change it if you want to keep the rhyme.

- As you keep wonder, if I’ll ever be yours. Not so sure I quite understand this last one.


Hope this helped. I like the structure of it, as in, always getting smaller. However, try to choose your words a little better, especially if they don't really make sense, as in the last "wander".

I liked it though. Good job.



You never really know how much of you takes residence in other people... We all exchange bits and pieces of ourselves with each other until we're big sparkly collages of everyone and everything we've ever loved
— GengarTheGhost