Chapter One of “The Shadows We Feed”

Mild Content Note: This chapter contains themes of adolescent insecurity, negative body image, social anxiety, and mild bullying.

Maya woke up for school, even though she didn’t want to. It was the first day of 8th grade, and she just wanted to make a good impression like every other 13 year old girl would.

    Nobody else has to try as hard though, she often thought.

    Either way, she got out of bed and lumbered towards the bathroom, the biting chill of the morning ever present. The golden sun bathed her room, which was full of cameras, mirrors, and recording lights. 

    Maybe I should paint my room a color that compliments my figure better, Maya thought. Whatever. Let’s take today one step at a time.

    After brushing her teeth and picking out her favorite outfit, she stood in front of the mirror, soft fabric enveloping her, and she hated everything she saw. 

    She was flat in every way she wasn’t supposed to be, and had a gut, as well as extra fat on her arms, face, and legs. Her brown hair was straight and looked awful on her. She had pimples on her face, which was just ugly in general.

    Well I’ll just cover it up with makeup, she thinks. She changed into baggier pants that didn’t emphasize her legs and got out a good corset. She also layered bras to try and look a little better. After slightly curling her hair to make it look wavy, she was finally done.

    She looked into the mirror, and saw a pretty girl. She thought she did ok, but didn’t manage to give off that natural glowing elegance that all the other girls did. So she layered on more makeup.

    She was about to try and add more elements to her clothing choice, like a necklace or bracelet that brought attention away from her, but then heard the bus pull up to her house and panicked, grabbing her stuff and running out the door, then up the driveway. She got there just in time.

    Her bus was one of the later stops, meaning it was pretty packed when she got there. She was greeted by the sight of boys chatting in the back, or sitting with their girlfriends, and the girls texting their boyfriend’s, or gossiping with their friends.

    She sat alone in the front.

    She felt the judging eyes drilling into the back of her skull as she sat down, so she moved quicker and lost the elegance that was expected of her. Great, already messing up, she thought.

    Sighing, she got out headphones and her binder, starting to study before the day began. It’s good to be prepared, right, she thought.

    No matter what she told herself, she still knew the real reason. She had no one to talk to, and wanted to look busy. She tried sitting in a way that made her look graceful, but was pretty sure she just looked like an old potato. Amazing. I can already tell which direction today’s going to go.

    Trying to study wasn’t going anywhere, so instead Maya just looked out the window. It was early spring, flowers blossoming under the golden sun that was sitting in a perfect sea of baby blue sky. The emerald grass was blowing in the breeze, little birds chirping and swooping in the wind. She wished she could just be out there, instead of on this bus full of people. She wanted to just be herself, but nobody liked her actual self. Maybe it didn’t matter how she acted, how she adjusted her personality for others. Maybe I will just never be good enough, she thought.

    That thought bothered her, though she couldn’t tell why. She had always known this, why was it so different to actually think it?

    She turned away from the window, unknowing. 

    Finally she looked up. She noticed a group of girls pointing at her and whispering. In the group she saw Anya. She froze.

    Anya looked up and met her gaze, Olive skin catching in the light. Her dark brown hair shimmered and fell over her shoulders as they stared at each other. She smirked. I thought she moved away after everything, did she move back?

    I can’t believe her! She pretended to be my best friend for an entire year just to get my test answers, and still has the guts to come back just to point at me? Hanging out with the same group that used to bully me too? She sure does commit to the bit…

    They went back to whispering, uncaring that they were spotted. Maya blushed and cowered, scooting closer to the window so she could escape their eyes. Today is already going south, and I haven’t even been awake for more than an hour. There’s no way it can get any worse…

    As if her thoughts had summoned bad luck, Anya got up and started walking towards her.

    Amazing, she thought. Let’s get this show started already.