This is a prompt I was given and I thought would share what I wrote, and maybe even let people make their own stories in the comments!!!
Content Warning: This story contains themes of stalking, cyberbullying, severe paranoia, psychosis/hallucinations, and mentions of eating disorders/starvation.
Lila woke up to the sharp, blue glow of her computer screen cutting through her pitch-black bedroom. On the monitor, a text document was typing itself out in real time, the cursor blinking rapidly as letters filled the blank page: I can see you hiding under the blanket, Lila. Look at the closet. Heart hammering, she slowly lowered the covers from her eyes, but she didn’t look at the closet. Instead, she stared at the webcam attached to her monitor. The tiny green recording light was glowing bright, and the lens was slowly tilting downward to face her bed.
She didn’t know what to think. She just wanted to wrap her blanket around her and pretend that made the monsters go away, just like when she was a kid. She started sweating, making the blanket become more of an uncomfortable hinderance than something that helped her stress. She ran. She ran right past the closet, out the front door, and into the woods. She hated this. They followed her everywhere. They bullied her at school, at home, online, but it had gone way too far this time. She screamed, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t even know what was real anymore. Everyone told her she was lying, it couldn’t be that bad, just deal with it, stop being dramatic. Maybe they were right. Why couldn’t she do anything right, why did she always fail, why wasn’t she good enough. Maybe she deserved it. Everyday of torture, starving herself to be skinny enough to fit into their standards then being bullied for that too. It didn’t matter anymore. They were coming for her. This wasn’t a place for failures and-. Her thoughts cut off as she saw the forest flash red and blue. Apparently someone had heard her scream and called the police. They arrested the people behind the camera, and told Lila she was safe, but she didn’t feel safe. What if they were in the shadows? There was always someone new. They hated her, everyone hated her. Except for her therapist. Except for the white padded walls around her. Nothing is wrong they said. There was no camera they said. No arrest, just someone calling her ugly again. Just a screen. Just her own mind slowly turning against her. She rocked herself to comfort on the floor.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, Noirmont here to review! Welcome to WriterFeed!
This was heartbreaking to read, as well as scary! I'm personally pretty terrified of technology acting of its own accord, so you can imagine how the whole AI thing makes me feel, lol. I think, though, you were able to transform the horror of that experience into one from the real world; cyberbullying and online torment. The grip that these can have on someone can be devastating, and rightfully so. With so much of our worlds revolving around the internet these days, when someone begins to cause you pain there, it can follow you everywhere. It acts as a monster, in that way. I personally have not had experience with cyberbullying, but I imagine that its impact is truly terrifying, and I think you've captured that well here.
I think the sort of overthinking that would come with an experience like this is represented nicely in the format. This large chunk of text runs together like persistent thoughts do. I would suggest, though, that after her thoughts cut off, you add a line break to end the cycle for a time, as we're dragged back into real life. I think it would introduce a sobering start to the ending bit, where it's revealed that Lila is in a padded room. I also appreciated that reveal -- it added an additional layer to the story where we wonder if the overthinking sequence was actually grounded in reality or not, which was interesting.
I enjoyed reading, and I hope to soon see you publishing again!
Woah! This feels so real and tangible, not just a story. I find it quite good and really relatable — it hits close to home. Keep it up!
amazing, 10/10. Can't wait to see what you do next. Truly impressive work, and I'm impressed with you. Keep going!
Thank you!!! I am so happy you like my style, not many do.
Yeah its quite good