Apricots.
They are sweet, they are docile, they are ripe and fresh upon the highest hill. Tall trees of them sprout in gardens and valleys of my dearest earthly dreams.
Apricots are mesmerizing, that juicy sweetness of pulp and overwhelming taste. Naturally sugary and with vitamins sprawling inside just like the embryo of a tree it once were. I like it's shape and all the warm orange, because it memoriezes the summer sunset when it became ripe. I enjoy it's surface and filling weight in my bare palm, replacing empty scents in my nose.
Apricots.
I love your story. Thou wonderful fruit of family Prunus genus glimmer by sunlight just as the harvest morning dawns. I feel your great contrast to the greenery of leaves and branch, because there the apricots hang, freely and wild and without a mourning sign. Vitamins of A, C and iron shine through their lovely bodies as well as antioxidants to strenghten a mind. The dry, small bites of an apricot are outstanding too, I'd eat them every day. Munching and gnawing on their fine sapor.
Apricots, of course.
Their delicious insides, it is glowing with pride. Pride of the sweetness and the young innards which no other fruit establishes. Sitting in the summer grass with the species all around, I would run to pick up those who fall, and dance to the Plantae walse. Scent so knowingly fresh, like they have always been. So very watery and soft when you take a rich bite, filling the empty holes in my stomach, already craving for more nutrients. But be careful to not get overwhelmed, to not bite too deep. The core is not what it first seems.
Apricots.
Their kernel rock-hard. It's shell is closed and mysterious, like waiting for yet another night to fall. For another soul to snap, for another foul trap. Only if you knew what hides there. Only if you knew their kernel is poisonous. Rotten meat spread from the yellow brown core in a merciless and cruel trick.
Apricots, they are.
They choke a graze. With as little as four of the kernels, a human turns ill. Venomous, mischievous fruit, what might you want? What the apricots wanted to steal our attention with, pure delight of a wondrous fruit, they wanted to lure us too, with pain and poison and breathing sore. These can hold a heart, just as they hold a kernel. So please be careful, for your heart and for the kernel, for those might switch.
With the venomous kernel stuck inside your throat.
And with the apricot that, suddenly, has stolen your heart.
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142,323 Literary Works • 677,256 Reviews
The Princess and the Pea
Blanket - First impression(s)
I think you did a very good job of describing the sensation of biting in an apricot, holding it in one's hand. You used very fitting words that made your text relatable and more interesting to read. This is why I really enjoyed it! Though I also loved the ending... your poem isn't just an ode to apricots, it's a warning, which is a great idea and makes it so much better!
Princess - Favorite part
My favorite part? I think that it's the first paragraph. Which is really good, because it did an amazing job of hooking me into your poem! It's the part that is most relatable to me, and also the part in which I think you used the most good techniques and new words. I especially liked how you said that the apricot memorises the summer sunset! Another great idea and good use of imagery.
Mattresses - Summary
So! This is a poem about apricots. In the first majority of the text, you describe how wonderful and delicious these fruits are. You explain how healthy they are, too! But then, in the last part, you give a warning: the kernel of apricots is dangerous! That last part is very well written too.
Pea - Idea on improvement
I do have a few ideas on improvement for this poem, even though it really is very good. For example, I think that you might be a bit too repetitive on the 'vitamins and nutrients': you talk about those three or four times in the text, and I do think that it is a good reminder, for what has to follow, that apricots are healthy, but after a while I think it kind of breaks the flow. Maybe you could limit it to one or two mentions of them? But also, you are the author, so you know what you want to do with your text and should follow that! :3
Here, I think there might be one or two errors? Firstly, maybe the 'because' isn't a good choice of word here; you are saying that you like its shape because it memorized the sunset - do you not mean you like its shape that memorized the sunset? Also, here, I think that memoriezes should be memorizes? :3
And lastly (sorry for being so annoying!) I also think there might be something wrong with the times you used. "memorizes" is present and "became" is past tense - shouldn't both verbs be the same time?
Bed Slats - Final thoughts
All in all, this was a really great poem! I really enjoyed reading it, and it made me want to eat apricots... ToT though I will remember, next time I eat some, to be careful about the kernel! ; )
Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
Have a wonderful day
- HMMHhehe the potato
Hey! I loved the imagery and symbolism that went into this poem. It transformed an ordinary fruit into something far more meaningful. First of all, the poem seems to praise the fruit and its qualities and beauty. Then, all of the sudden, it starts talking about something else, something more dangerous.
The repetition of “Apricots.” is used almost as sections of the poem. Each time, the reader expects something different, something more exciting to happen. I liked that at the beginning it almost seemed really innocent and then gradually became more and more menacing.
I thought it was very effective how you described the fruit. You wrote about its taste, color, shape, consistency, even the way it feels when you pick it up. You included so many senses and almost made it come to life. Comparing the orange color to the summer sunset struck me as particularly effective.
The way you included the botanical information also stood out to me as a juxtaposition. The poem goes from very flowery, almost romantic descriptions to really scientific terms and facts about vitamins and antioxidants and the Prunus genus and the kernel. It almost makes the reader feel like they are having a conversation with someone who truly loves talking about this specific fruit before they reveal the other, darker side of it.
You also juxtapose the beauty of the apricot tree/fruits with the fact that the kernel is poisonous. First you talk about how lovely everything is and how it contrasts with the green leaves and how pretty it is against the background of the forest, and then you say that the kernel is not what it appears to be.
That line almost serves as the climax of the poem. All of the build up and foreshadowing finally leads to this one sentence that says that, really, there is more to the apricot than meets the eye. The reader feels as if they were deceived a little, because they thought it was just a description of the fruit, but then it turns out to be something else.
I think the metaphor in the very last part is really creative. The kernel is not only poisonous, but it is almost used as an analogy to a human heart and loving someone. You make the reader realize that the lovely fruit that they might have thought of as innocent actually has a dangerous side to it that can break them. The juxtaposition of the kernel with the human heart is used very creatively, in my opinion, and the way you worded it made it seem as if actually both could switch.
I also liked how you kept the same connotation and didn’t give up on the fruit’s beauty, even after introducing the other, darker concept. It made the contrast even stronger.
One suggestion I have is to go through the grammar and word choice again. Sometimes you used “it’s” when it should be “its” and so on. I think it would also be good to edit some parts for better flow or to trim some words for conciseness. Also, you might want to include some of the scientific information a bit smoother so that it doesn’t disrupt the imagery or the flow of the poem.
I liked the idea behind the poem a lot. It was very creative to slowly introduce the other side of the apricot and then juxtapose it with the beauty of the fruit/tree. It almost felt like I was reading a nonfiction excerpt until you got to the metaphor/analogy part. The change was sudden, but effective. The apricot was depicted as something that can be beautiful on the outside, but that also has a dangerous, poisonous side to it. Overall, the symbolism and imagery were used very well to depict this metaphor and present the fruit in a completely new, interesting way that I loved!
Lovely work!<3
OMG! This is so good. I love how it feels like you really to your time and thought out every single word. I also love that you try to ‘catch’ the reader. I am NOT a huge fan of poetry but this just called to me saying “This is really good you need to read it.” It’s looks really professional and just great to read. I can’t imagine how long this might of taken me if I did this. You are a great writer and I can’t believe you do this magic. You probably will be a great poet and maybe a great entertainer. I still can’t believe that one person did this.
Oh stop you’re spoiling me with such wonderful words!!!