Ready To Die

Wrote this quite some time ago. I admit I'm not a poem writer, so treat this as my beginning. Enjoy!
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Blocked myself, I know that I did;
And who couldn't see that it was a dying bid?
"I'm sorry" is all I can say
'Cause I'm backtracking, no I won't pray.
You see these lachrymose eyes, the wretched emotions.
What's in my faith, has been lost through commotion.

You never left me, but I left You;
I say You can never see, but You do have a clue;
I want to run away, but You won't let me;
Then You lead me to Satan, why not set me free?

Back and forth, I'm sick of it;
Please let me go, bit by bit.
I find it harder to follow up than down;
Why keep me stuck here, falling to the ground?

Sorry's no cure, it's from a parrot's mouth.
I can't forgive You, Lord, where art thou?
I shout and struggle, I know it's wrong;
I don't want to go to You, it's way too long.
Yes, I'd rather go wrong than right;
Because of You I've lost the will to fight

Look down upon me, I know you can;
And you think You are so grand?
What kind of perfection, You're just a lie,
Everything's a lie whereas I cry.
I am useless, I only know to fail You,
I'll never see that what You say is true.

Oh no, my dear, so sorry again;
I'm talking my fears, they can't be slain.
Nothing can change what I've decided
And I'm sorry you'll have to live with what is fated.

I assure you, after the end
Your poor heart can't make amends;
Broken and shattered, but this I uphold:
Don't you worry, your heart will be whole.

Keep your faith, and be whole, without memories of me
Until someone arrives, hopefully replacing me, that one will be.