Published September 26, 2011
Mother, I have gone mad.
I have split myself into two;
two black slabs of a person.
One sits in his wretched cave, screaming silently at the wall -
the other is cold, he does do, he does say
much more than you.
Mother, you have killed me.
Mother, I blame you.
I tried to off myself this morning,
but, like the moon, I am a hook,
and I am nailed to the dreadful sky.
The sky is not black, the sky is not blue;
oh the sky; I loathe it.
It is white and it peels away my skin
like a vegetable. Mother, I am the moon.
And you have stripped me bare.
I see it all from up here, through the blinding
terrible light. I see children and I weep for them,
that they should live.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,273 Literary Works • 677,112 Reviews
Thank you
I'm glad that you like it.
So much yes!!
I am not really a poem kind of guy, but wow! This is really good. I love the imagery and the description you put into it. I felt the emotion and I absolutely loved the flow of it. Fantastic job! I do hope to see you put out another one of your beautiful poems on here.
I love poems that have dark, dramatic themes only because I can just imagine the angst and pain that was put into this poem. I love it!!
This is amazing. I can't even begin to tell you how much this poem spoke to me. I can feel your emotions pouring through your words into the reader... you really have a great way of communicating dark feelings. I love your last line. And yes, dark things do have their own beauty, especially when you put them into words like that.
Thank you very much, I'm glad you both like it
Even the most awful things manage their own beauty sometimes, you enjoying it, I would say, is an example of that, so thank you for making a horrid moment beautiful 
m
I can practically feel the emotion flowing out of you threw your poetry... Though it's a little dark for my liking, still a great poem. Keep Writing!!!
Sincerely,
Lesley
Dear God...
I really do love this poem. I really do. I love the desperation that the reader can infer in the speaker's tone; I love the word choice and the rhythm and the glorious deliciousness of the disorganization that is, somehow, organized. I love the poetry that is instilled in these words, and I love the implications and the ideas. As a person who has trouble with her own mother at times, this poem speaks to me. It's a very loquacious idea you've awoken in my brain.
A few issues I have with this work - in the second stanza, third line, the lack of the comma after Mother when the rest have commas included afterwards. In the third stanza, second line, there should either be a comma after "but" or the comma after "moon" should be excluded (speaking from a purely grammatical point of view). From a rhythm point of view, it does little, but an extra pause after "but" might give the reader time to absorb the idea of the speaker being like the moon.
I also love your use of caesuras and every other poetical thing you've included here. For the most part it reminds me of Hamlet, but it's a delirious case of otherworldliness and selfliness - this poem knows exactly what it is.