In the darkest hour of the night,
I saw a star shining so bright
Tears began to drop and fall
As I recalled your eyes out shining all.
Roses bloom and fade away
Poet's wrote the greatness,they say.
What is love what is grace,
I see it all in your quiet face.
The moon may dress them skies in white,
And cover the world in silver light.
Yet all its beautiful fade from my view
For no other light could shine like you.
And I could spend a thousand year and say,
Write you through ink and pain.
And when the final words are thought
I would still fail to capture you.
For how could words however be true
Contain the word I see in you
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142,323 Literary Works • 677,256 Reviews
Hey there!
I'm Jaye!
This first part took my attention. (Besides the title, lolll)
I loved how well it flowed together. It was so beautifully written. So poetic. Just. . . wonderful.
I liked how you added 'Poet's' into it, though it didn't flow as well as the first stanza.
I think the second sentence is a little too long that made it feel a little pressed.
I actually loved this part. Though I think that you might want to add a semicolon in between "what is love; what is grace" (something like that).
This was so beautiful. Shows the love of the narrator to their special someone.
I liked this one as well. This flowed wonderfully.
The first line felt a little confusing for me. But the second was nice!
Did you mean "thousand years" ?
I loved that last two lines. The three are a little confusing but overall the poem was really wonderful.
I hope that this helped and apologies if I offended you, but I do think that this was a wonderful poem.
Keep up the good work!
~ Jaye.
I generally am not the romantic type of person, nor do I particularly enjoy reading about romance. This poem shows much more than romance, it shows a purer love. The type of the way an artist loves their art. The way the speaker talks about their person is the same way people admire the stats. Overall, a beautiful work. Only thing to maybe try is a more interesting rhyme pattern, and that is a completely subjective thing from me =]
I think had you hyphenated 'out shining' would make it better but otherwise I find it quite well written, the imagery and rhythm is very good.
This could be improved by saying 'what is love, what is grace' instead of the lack of a coma. Otherwise, exceptional work here as well.
Overall, I think this is a beautiful piece of literary work, you did an amazing job, and I think that it is quite well written. Those critiques aside, this is my favorite piece:
These are two of my favorite spots, as well as
Which comes in a close third. Great job tho! I loved having the opportunity to review this, thank you!
-PikeFisher4Life
Lovely debut!
I love this poem, especially the first stanza:
Tears began to drop and fall
As I recalled your eyes out shining all.
This is such a beautiful sceneryyyyy
I picked up a few grammatic / spelling mistakes:
'I would still failed to capture you.' --> 'I would still fail to capture you.'
'I see it all in your quite face.' --> 'I see it all in your quiet face.'
I wasn't sure what 'quiet face' or 'quite face' would mean? But I would love to know what you meant for it to come across.
I noticed that you use 'shine' a few times, which is a lovely theme throughout, maybe try using its semantic field so it sounds less repetitive? Like dazzle, radiate, glow...
'The moon may dress them skies in white,
And cover the world in silver light.' : I love this line as well! It matches with the picture and really sets the scene.
Keep it up!
Lightswitch.
Thanks mate i really appreciate this. I just started out so there will be mistakes.
Hey @JORDAN18
This poem is a lovely explanation of how someone cannot put love into simple words, as it is such a profound feeling. I love how you use the stars, roses and moon to compare HER and allowing us to feel the imagination of a beautiful surrounding to prove that she is beyond all comparisons. This poem captures the exceptional love towards a woman in the sweetest way. After all, she is someone so special and ineffable. (As soon as I read your poem I remembered this word 'ineffable', which means it is too good to put into words).
Sending love and best wishes for your future work, mate.
-anonymous1245
Thanks mate