A Glimpse so Strong

Then I saw him.

Stopping at the light beside our van. Staring in front of him, not having a clue.

Most likely thinking to himself about his day, plans, etc.

This captures very well the feeling of sonder, everyone has there own lives that they are thinking about and we as humans are wired for it. I also like how it talks about the lack of a clue, and being unknowing. despite us all having our own lives, we are so separate and sometimes it feels odd, sometimes it feels beautiful. The only thing I would avoid is using etc, just as using it feels like it peels back a layer, and it pulls you out of the poem for a second.

Dark eyes that looked bored. Needing the light to be given to him. Not knowing what lay ahead.

The light turned green and I watched his car drive forward, until beside ours.

This particular section is one I like because of the similarities to the moon, needing the light to be given to him is beautiful phrasing, and also more assumptions of his mind, which I like reading because it is realistic.

I wonder where he was headed. I wonder what he does. I wonder where he had left.

So many questions coursed through my mind.

I always like curiosity in a poem, and you portray it well. Though I do like the 'questions coursed through my mind', the wonder three times in a row feels like it takes away some.

Deep hair curled past her shoulders.

Warm brown eyes staring ahead with joy.

Running a hand through her hair.

Not having a clue of the witness

I watched in awe. She was beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Just like a goddess.

I forgot about that man. Only feet ahead of us.

This description is chefs kiss, is literally all I have to say to this particular piece.

I wonder if anyone else has these thoughts. Maybe just me.

You just keep hitting the same nail in the head, this particular phrase is one I greatly enjoy.
maybe someone has similar thoughts as me, maybe not.

I'm already coming up with things about them both. And I might go crazy.

This is simply what we do with strangers. we know of their life without knowing about it, so we make them stories just as we make stories for characters we make.

My smile deepens.

His does as well.

And his eyes. . .

. . .look like the sunlight kissed them.

She looks away first. Fluttering her lashes shyly.

A glimpse so small that you wouldn't have noticed.

Yet I did.

A glimpse so small yet so strong.

The light turns green.

She drives ahead first.

He follows.

And here I sat, watching with a smile.

Witnessing the beautiful moment.

<3

Hello Jaye! It's AJ here. This is such a sweet story. Now I'm not a romance person. Never much liked it but this is one of the first romance stories I've ever read and really liked. And honestly there's not much in the realm of critiquing, so I'll just go over the things to fix and my favorite parts. But let's get into this!

We sat in the car in silence. My mind wandering off. Her tapping her fingers against the wheel. The kids giggling in the back.

I was rather confused by who "Her" was. I figured it out after I reread the sentence a few times. Id add a label to her.
But this does a really efficient way of creating the scene. We know what's happening around our narrator.

He was handsome.

I'll admit that.

Curly dark hair that fluffed before him.

Dark eyes that looked bored. Needing the light to be given to him. Not knowing what lay ahead.

I love the simple description. We get to create most of him ourself and that's what's so beautiful.

Another car drove by. A black Honda civic.

Deep hair curled past her shoulders.

Warm brown eyes staring ahead with joy.

Running a hand through her hair.

Not having a clue of the witness. Me.

Humming to herself as music played. Tapping her fingers on her steering wheel in rhythm.

I watched in awe. She was beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Just like a goddess.

She sounds gorgeous.

I forgot about that man. Only feet ahead of us.

That was till she drove up beside him.

Goodbye went those noises that blurred into the background.

I looked at their two cars. Identical. Meant for each other at the sight.

Alright, small nitpick here. You say that their cars are identical but you never mention what the man's car looks like earlier on. I'd add that earlier.
But the sounds vanishing. Oh that's beautiful.

I wonder if anyone else has these thoughts. Maybe just me.

This is the best line. You're making the narrator feel real. It's these things that really bring a narrator to life. Gorgeous.

Wondering when they'll glance at each other. When they realize that someone's paying attention. Wishing that they'd just give one look.

Another red light.

Another growing pain inside.

Another small moment.

And finally.

We feel this pain too. We want them to see each other. To just glance. The growing pain is so real.

I watch her cheeks heat a little.

His become rosy.

My smile deepens.

His does as well.

And his eyes. . .

. . .look like the sunlight kissed them.

She looks away first. Fluttering her lashes shyly.

Awwwww. That's so sweet.

A glimpse so small that you wouldn't have noticed.

Yet I did.

A glimpse so small yet so strong.

Truly something small that become something big. Beautiful.

And here I sat, watching with a smile.

Witnessing the beautiful moment.

She turns left, heading away, down a street.

Probably with the image and thought of him repeating in her mind.

The separation. Noooo. I need them to find each other again. But the image repeating? Chef's kiss.

And I fear, it's something that'll never change.

That one look changed everything. At least. For me it did.

It is something that'll never change. The look that changed everything.

~ The End. ~

*Shrieks* nooo! It can't end there. Argh. You're killing me Jaye.
But all that aside. The End with flourishes is such a great touch.

Overall, this is such a gorgeous story. You managed to crack my frozen heart.

Keep on living and writing!
AJ