Thank you, Sun...

by JesusFreak900

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published September 6, 2012

If the Sun gave out this evening,
I would have but one regret:
To not peer upon your face
Any longer than I already have
Absorb and appreciate your flawed perfection
This morning, I took your friendship for granted
Tonight, I miss what love we could have shared
 
For no length of time can satisfy
My heart’s recognition that it lives to accompany yours
My dear, I wish you peace
To traverse life’s trials with ease and calm
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
unsocialbutterfly
Comment
unsocialbutterfly commented Comment · Sep 9, 2012

I love this. Seriously. I don't think sun is supposed to be capitalized? I can't think of what else to say haha. It's really nice.

User avatar
LadySpark
Review
LadySpark wrote a review Review · Sep 7, 2012

Heeeellooo! I'm Sparkie, and I'll be reviewing you today!

Let's talk about punctuation, shall we? You've got a good start on learning how to use it in poetry-- a very very tricky thing, I'm still learning, but you still haven't passed that learning curve.

I would have but one regret:

This ":" is not needed. Leave it off. I'm a big believer in the less is more concept, and you honestly and truly do not need it here.

Any longer than I already have.

Period here, love!

Absorb and appreciate your flawed perfection,

Wonderful imaginary! And also, comma!

This morning, I took your friendship for granted ,
Tonight, I miss what love we could have shared.

Yep, yep!

My heart's recognition that it lives to accompany yours.


To traverse life's trials with ease and calm.



Love, this is a very nice idea. And very well written, in that old style that I love. Just work on the punctuation and you'll be fine!

If you have any questions, let me know!
Sparkxx



Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder.
— Ranger