Published September 28, 2010
The skin of my eyes divorce by light-
only to make one brighter.
Because it's my soul that makes
it that way.
It's because I see past the clouds -
the fog - haze - and believe
in the magic all around me.
Too many people before me - after me
have taken without thought where
it comes from. It's the
Joy you take - our soul stolen
from the wishing well of hope -
Thieves.
Bandits of my teeth - the
valleys in between - bacteria
not yet flushed out. My
name is
Amelia - and there's lots
of us around.
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Canary word: Present
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142,254 Literary Works • 677,088 Reviews
Hmm... this poem is... different. It's not my piece of cake, but I like it.
I do have some nitpick's to highlight, though.
Okay, sorry if that's not spaced right... but on to the review!
- I don't think "divorced" is the right word. It sounds akward.
- This sentence seems a little too jam-packed. Try taking out some of the words.
- This sentence doesn't really make any sense. Why is the bacteria in her teeth significant?
Overall: It's pretty-well done. Keep writing!