1. is the shadow of people between the trees, receding and rippling out of your sight
2. is when you race down the hill, grabbing at wind for conviction
3. is the act of singing, the ebb and flow, the new rain on a beaten path, the cobblestones slowly changing their shape
4. is earthworms dancing, undulating and breaking the surface, a crest of soil
5. is the pool of death after the rain, all heartbodyandmind flickering, the water going out
6. after this, it's easier to put your notebook away, and to go on making music with your feet
7. and heaven is just the memory of wet dirt, cold fruit, dark sea
8. is the world descending on you is the beam of sunshine the flap of a butterfly's wing
9. is how your hand trembles with all the joy and terror
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Some questions for reviewers, if you'd like:
1. Are there any images that don't seem to fit?
2. What is your interpretation of the poem?
3. Does this end in the right place?
Feel free also to write your review in the form of a poem
Hi there, Liminality! I would've reviewed this in the form of a poem, but I've been in a slump!
First off, I really love the atmosphere of this poem! It has a very whimsical quality to it! It reminds me of the feeling after it rains, like the narrator is moving through the world right after something overwhelming has happened. The images feel very natural and bodily at the same time, like the trees, wind, rain, cobblestones, earthworms, etc. It makes the poem feel very alive, for me, but also a little haunted/complicated.
My interpretation is that this poem is about trying to make sense of a feeling that is too large or too slippery to name directly. Each numbered line feels like an attempted definition of 'it' (death?) though the poem never tells us exactly what it is. To me, it' could be grief, since that is namely what the title reminded me of, but I also had an idea it could be the act of being alive in a world that keeps moving and changing. I really like that ambiguity! I like how the poem feels like it is circling around something rather than pinning it down, and that works well with all the images of motion.
I think most of the images fit together really well. The rain/earth/movement imagery is especially strong. Lines like:
and
are SO perfect to me! I am really loving the idea of 'heaven' as well, since it adds another layer of depth to the life/death idea. Like, the narrator is considering the possibility of an afterlife, but they do not seem very sure of it.
The only image I’m a little unsure about is:
I don’t think it doesn’t fit, exactly, but 'pool of death' is much more direct and dramatic than most of the other images. The rest of the poem often lets meaning come through indirectly, while 'death' names the darkness very bluntly. I get it is in the title! That might be what you want! But if you want the poem to stay more subtle, you could maybe make that image stranger or more specific? For example, instead of 'pool of death,' maybe something like that focuses more on the pool/rain aspect of the image.
Regarding the ending -- Yes, I think it ends in the right place! I don’t think it needs another image after that. Ending on the trembling hand brings the poem back to the human body, which feels right after so many outward images.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem! The images really do fit together beautifully, and I love how much attention you give to natural textures. My favorite aspect of the poem is the recurring sense of things appearing briefly and then disappearing! Love how that captures the human experience while still being creative. My only suggestion would be to consider line five and if that exact wording benefits the poem!
I hope this helps <3 What a lovely poem!
Aislynn
Hi Aislynn! Sorry for the late reply!
Thanks so much for this thoughtful review. I really like your observation that the poem seems to circle around its subject matter. I hadn't noticed that before so that's helpful to know! Yes, that's a good point on the 'pool of death'. The image I was thinking of is when worms end up on the road after the rain, because they came out when there was a puddle there and then seem not to be able to find their way back afterwards. After your feedback I was thinking of changing that whole line to "5. is the way they wriggle in puddles after the rain, all heartbodyandmind flickering, the water going out".
Thanks again!
You said we could review in the form of a poem AND THAT IS MY STRONG AREA SO (also my other one didn't count as a review so sigh)
Something is blessing me
my eyes
my ears
my brain
something great
the imaging
unchanging
in it's simplicity;
it's amazing
I think
one might enjoy
listening
to it
or reading it
again and again
I think it's amazing,
I think the views
on these things
are enlightening
almost frightening
in a way
to think
it's not up to me to say~
however;
in my varied opinion,
I think it's frightening
in a good way
in a way where one must think
really think
and make connections
and realize;
it's their life
it's their problems and their fears
fear?
I love fear.
my life is made out of fear and anxiety after all
Thanks so much for the poetic review!
I like your observation that this poem has fear at its core, even if not necessarily in a pessimistic way.
:)
Something is blessing me
my eyes
my ears
my brain
something great
the imaging
unchanging
in it's simplicity;
it's amazing
I think
one might enjoy
listening
to it
or reading it
again and again
I think it's amazing,
I think the views
on these things
are enlightening
almost frightening