👱🏻♀️ The Feather 👱🏻♀️
(ABCB structure)
No matter where it hides,
No matter where it goes,
My little buzzing Honey-Bee,
Will always bring the feather home.
This little magpie feather,
That my tiny puppy found,
It always ends up with her,
Curled up on the gravel ground.
It never comes inside,
So nature could take it away,
But luck is all for Bee,
When she finds the feather again.
My fluffy little pup,
Sitting at the door,
Waiting to go outside,
So she can find the feather once more.
🐶 My Stick 🐝
(AABB structure) (Bee’s POV) (little bit sad)
In my yard there is a stick,
And within my little mouth I lick,
I bite and gnaw and wrestle with it,
But never does it break a sweat.
It doesn’t seem to understand,
How it is beneath my role in the pack of man,
But even when it tries to break,
My little teeth are tired, and I know that I must flake.
I drop the stick and run inside,
Sprinting in for family time,
And at the edge of the scruffy couch,
Is my yum-yums in a pouch.
I realise my family’s gone out,
And left me food and my pout,
With wet eyes I crawl into my pen,
Wondering when I’ll see them again.
When I have scrounged up all my food,
Out of my little spoon,
I run back outside to attack the stick,
Smiling when I hear a *crick*.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,248 Literary Works • 677,083 Reviews
Feel free to leave a review! I’d love to hear what you think! Should I add my other Bee poems to this?
Wow this is amazing ex-friend! This is so cute and I love how you have a picture of your dog that’s adorable. In the last poem, is it saying it’s Bee’s life? It’s really sweet and adorable and you should defiantly add your other Bee poems onto this!
I can’t wait for the other bee poems!
Hey, Writer!! I've read ur lovely work and personally i found both poems to be so sweet little journeys into Bee's everyday adventures. They're so sweet..... to read about how u made such simple things as a feather and a stick seem to come to life with personality and emotion.
I personally loved The Feather because of how much u portrayed Bee bringing the same little feather home and how i found the lines..... about that to be very endearing i also thought it was a lovely touch to show how nature took it away for her to find later.
My Stick was just as enjoyable to read as well, especially with the shift from determination to the slight sadness that Bee found out her family had to leave....... i personally found it to be so endearing how u managed to add a slight degree of bittersweetness.... into it while still keeping it light hearted, especially with how she finally got to hear that little crick!!!
Overall, i think the two of them complemented each other very well, showcasing the endearing and amusing bits of her world that we all love to see more of. Lovely work!!♡
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
Omg, thank you so much!!! This means a lot to me.
Cooooollllll
Thanks!
This is a very cute poem! I enjoy the use of slant rhymes( I hope that's what they are called). I find this a very chill poem and down to earth which I enjoy reading even though I cannot write them for the life of me. The only Itty bitty critique is that the last line feels like it breaks up the rhythm that was there, which honestly does make sense ad it is the last line, but that is the only possible thing I feel to critique.
Thanks!!! I dunno if they’re called slant rhymes, and also yep. That last line needs to be fixed lol