Will they see past
my glossy stare,
that hides my caring eyes?
Will they see through
the mask I wear,
that covers my true self?
Will they notice
that it's all fake,
that I'm not like this?
Please let them look
beyond my mask,
and see my true beauty.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
that was very nice =3
I echo everyone else.
I get it, but I found it all little dull. Like, no rhymes. It sounded like you were trying to rhyme, but couldn't do it very well.
Nice Try,
-- M.B.Author
I like it, but... it kind of doesn't make any sense. Maybe it would have more meaning if you made it a little easier to understand.
I agree with Via. There's no element that makes it sound spectacular. It's kind of plain.
Hmm, hi Lucky.
I think this is an okay start to a poem, but it doesn't really have any poetic elements to make it great? There are no similies/metaphors, everything is explained perfectly. I'd up the language a little..use some "formal" words or something of the like.
Really, this just sounds like a prayer...not like a poem? There is no real ending to it, no conclusion, no...point? I also think the stanzas could stand to be a bit longer...with this kind of format three-lined stanzas rarely work.
Anyway, it's an ok start...but it definitely needs some work.
Happy Editing!