Published April 6, 2007
Why do I love you?
Because you are young?
Because you are a man?
Because you’re a 6 months older?
Or simply, because you are: you!
Why do I love you?
I keep on thinking,
Trying to figure out,
Why it is you of all.
Are you the one I want?
Why do I love you?
My friends ask too.
You are such a rebel,
Wearing makeup and all,
But they forget, I am too.
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In addition to what they said above, you put way too many questions in this poem. In fact, the whole poem is a long, unanswered question about why you love this person. Instead of just saying "because you are: you!" show us why "you" is so important to the narrator. What does "you" do/say that's so great? How can you show that special quality in a poem that's interesting and will actually capture a reader's attention?
Best of luck in future writing!
Hmm...it's a bit repetitive like Siegfried said. The idea of having "young" and then "older" two lines down sort of confused me. I'd look into changing that. Basically I agree with Siegfried. Grab a thesaurus to help you with word choice repetition.
also something about the colon in this like cuts the flow for me.
-tangerine
Again I say like with one before you concentrate on repetition too much. These poems if less repeative be good, just try a poem like less repetition and maybe more variety of wording.Good Luck and please try listen to advice.
Vernon