Published May 1, 2008
[pre]Ignorance at work, as you narrow your
Slits. How dare you judge me. As you fall back
into your drunken stupor. In line soldier;
Death is imminent.
Plagued by the white cylinder and the
Green spice. Lose all sight of reality,
Once more. Trail the engine of society;
Follow the masses.
Chain yourself in protest: make a stand.
Grasp the torch, only to be crushed by the
Iron Fist. Surrounded by blue and white;
Struggle. Return. Rise.
Immerse yourself in a plethora of
Shattered dreams. Shards carving destiny.
That glimmer within has since faded;
Back to ‘normalcy’.
Dipping in and out of the spewing broth,
It engulfs you. Trapped mercilessly.
A result of your own foolishness;
Relish the abyss.[/pre]
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,254 Literary Works • 677,088 Reviews
it really amaze me.
I just hope i can make a poem as better as yours.
very nice!
Very expressive, but it had a bit gloomy vibes. I like the way you use words, kind of tying them together, if you know what I mean. Keep on.
This has amazing imagery! A bit depressing, but I imagine that's the effect you were going off, so I like it a ton. I especially love the line "Dipping in and out of the spewing broth, It engulfs you". The spewing broth gives a very sickly image (in a good way
), which helps drive hope the point behind the poem. Anyways, excellent job and keep up the good work!