Sebum Mess

Hello, welcome new user!! The impression I got through this poem is that it is an eloquent, almost lyrical without being blatant, piece which adds a unique quality for itself. I admire that there is some trust placed on the reader to wonder about if the speaker's state of crisis is a struggle with body vs mind (that suggests a significant portion of their fate may be caused by a psychological part in this horrifying creation)--it does not just complexity in these feelings for the speaker, but also complexity as a writer!

This poem heavy contains a variety of language & adjectives which is impressive!--on the topic of language, though it may potentially shift for the body horror to further lose its impact as the focus is to decipher the horror instead of feeling it, I am in the belief that the variety here is for the most part comprehensible and in fact often elevates the tone and incomprehensible going on. The language isn't too articulate to not reach to the audience without them being in specific niches, which is great for more understanding. However, variety of adjectives may potentially stiffen horror, make it too poise and tight-fitting, without letting the images build up for itself. Personally, the placement of a few adjectives does bloat the poem a bit where there potentially could be more opportunity for a better flow.

Do my arteries shudder in pumping blood? /
Do my veins hurriedly cross /
akin to doomed wires /
ripping from their capillaries /
And rendering me useless? /
My joints crinkle at the source, singed, disjointedly fossilized /
Muscle flaps lazily against the shore, splaying out

This beginning introduces imagery drawn out in questions, which does incite interest without being repetitive about the structure this imagery wants to remain in. This wonder from the speaker "fades into" the scene rather than being direct, which seems fitting for the overall poem focusing on showing! Though, I do think some placement of the adjectives and grammar choices does make some lines a little convoluted, and I think it would benefit the poem to adjust some of these choices and experiment with them more. Some insight on these lines would be nice to hear if possible! I will be giving more insight on not technically criticisms, but concerns:

"Do my arteries shudder in pumping blood?" -- this grammar doesn't make sense to me, and "in" should probably be "when" (i could be wrong about this though!).
"akin to doomed wires / ripping from their capillaries /" -- while the grammar correct, I do think the "doomed" adjective adds little for such a word that packs heavy meaning and constricts the flow. Since, instead of building up to a terrifying image, it relies on a terrifying word to make that feeling across. I personally would suggest to take it out for the sake of better pacing, and impact!
The line "Muscle flaps lazily against the shore, splaying out" also feels a little bloated itself from "flaps lazily" - perhaps you could take out "lazily" as it doesn't affect the scene much, or, generally experiment with the sentence structure to see.

Vanishing in this sea of flesh I’ve made /
sweat beads and stuffs my pores /
It’s a sebum mess /
I do not feel well, I am ill, surely it is my body that betrays me /
And not my mind

To know you are ill but have difficulties grasping the extent of if this is an act of your body's instincts or if it's the mind negatively impacting you in some way is excellent when it comes to body horror, and really expands more on what makes body horror horrifying and what makes body horror very specifically a bodily thing if the body and mind is sometimes one in the same. There is a lot of potential in poking at both the mind & body working at odds or similar, and it is touched here very interestingly as a question with an ambiguous answer.

Concocted, manufactured, essentially imagined /
And scoffing in such a manner /
That only celestial bodies can /
When they are neglected.

The first quoted line extends on the question of body vs mind, but also leads towards the topic of celestial bodies existing, which is really interesting (the mention of the moon, associated with the celestial, also leads towards the point)! Their existence relates the question of "body vs mind" in regards to this body horror evolving, as the perception of the celestial bodies though the lenses of them being grounded in reality vs them being founded in belief (or "Concocted, manufactured, essentially imagined") fuels (other than paralleling) the question of the body vs the mind. This unreliability of the speaker does create these angles on these celestial bodies' existence: Maybe these celestial bodies exist because of the force onto their body, or exist due to their mind being forcing their body to go through horror-- there can be many ways that make celestial bodies are real to them. What matters most is that they feel it and at the moment, that's the most vivid, realest thing that is happening to them while going through a similar process that is body horror.

With your gossamer spinster fingers
I should snap you like a twig
And wrestle you into mud
Grody discolored nails scratching my scalp
Mangled screams making me deaf as you inhale the earth
It fills your lungs

It is truly intriguing how the act of worship transitions into this violence I am unsure is directed at themselves, celestial bodies, or both. What matters is, they have completely turned into something else very disconnected from the beginning. As the reader turns into a "sebum mess", I wonder if this body horror meant degenerating into bodily instincts--as if they now perceive their circumstances through the lenses of being prey. Or--considering this is described after a prayer, somehow this celestial body has affected the speaker. The way the descriptions rests into the body horror makes me inclined to think of both.

Now I stink of the moon’s mire
It mixes with the rich copper of my blood
And slicks me in the bog that hums with the warm air
Of this black night
This bodily weapon
Hath strangled its host
And snuffed her out
(Though not for lack of effort
to banish it peacefully)

The shift towards archaic language, "hath", while the rest of the poem shifted into modern english was striking.

To experience this poem was like a journey itself. I re-read a couple times, intrigued by the ambiguity but the clarity of images. I do not get where the speaker ends and begins throughout the poem, except for the beginning at a state of confusion. The speaker loses themselves to body horror, the celestial bodies, in worship, in condemnation, later the moon (which i would like to see expanded on to know "who" or "what" it is), and finally fighting back a host. These are much ideas packed in a poem that gives it more complexities, but does feel a bit disconnected from each other to the point of being somewhat disorienting--not really just in a way that feels like emphasis on the horror (which is great! and is shown in some parts of the poem!), but also in a way it doesn't feel the most intentional (which isn't the worst thing ever, but there could be more work on what the focus should be!).

Regardless of how I feel about how these topics are written, to use various of ideas to draw into the theme of consumption was well done. While there have been bits of criticisms & concerns here and there, I want to say that overall, it was a wonderful experience reading this piece that was crafted with so much creativity that lasts throughout itself! Keep writing!!