Published September 14, 2006
Falling
Swallowed by
Nothing and yet
Somehow I feel a
sense of belonging, that
Permeates me until I
breathe a softer sort of darkness
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Canary word: Present
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142,323 Literary Works • 677,256 Reviews
Very nice poem! I liked how each line increased one syllable. I don't believe I've ever seen that type of poem before. And you did a very nice job of introducing it to me!
There was only one thing I saw:
I don't see why you need a comma. It kind of halts the melodic flow of the poem, and I think it would look better and sound better without it. It's just kind of a "jolt" and I don't think you were going for that.
Just my two cents. Good luck and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wiggy
Hmmm...
There are certain moods and certain times of day when this makes perfect sense to me. Now, for example, although I doubt I could've put it so poetically. Kudos to you, and I know nothing about critiquing poetry so I shall refrain from the attempt.