His blue eyes shimmer like the ocean's embrace,
Laughter spills over, filling up the space.
A smile so bright, it lights up the night,
I find myself questioning, held back in fright.
Every moment with him feels like a sweet dream,
But shadows of doubt disrupt the gleam.
I fight with my heart, trying to stay strong,
Wondering why I feel I don't truly belong.
Is it fear that whispers, telling me to hide?
Or the echoes of past when love slipped aside?
I search for the courage to open up wide,
To embrace all the love that he's willing to guide.
Deep in my heart, there's a voice that will say,
"You're worthy of love, don't push it away."
So I'll take a deep breath and step into the light,
Letting go of the doubts that once felt so tight.
Together we’ll dance through the highs and the lows,
Finding strength in the love that each moment bestows.
In this beautiful story that together we weave.
No more hiding my heart, it’s time to be free,
In this love that’s for us, just as it should be.
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142,658 Literary Works • 679,347 Reviews
Hi Raven, welcome to the site! Noirmont here to review your work.
But I will say that I'm a bit confused by its phrasing. You illustrate reaching within yourself to find courage (which I love!) but your third line begins with "Yet", suggesting that what's to follow is in opposition to what you've just written -- whereas I find that all four lines are connected in their idea of opening up to someone's love. So I'd suggest nixing "yet" here as to not confuse your reader. That's really the only spot where I'm seeing the language not quite add up, but it's an easy fix!First of all, I commend you on utilizing a rhyme scheme! I find this task...nearly impossible. I admit I that feel boxed in by this idea that I have to stick to certain words that might not entirely reflect what I'm wanting to say. What you've done so nicely here, however, is created a piece that seems to perfectly encapsulate what you mean AND make it rhyme! You're brave, soldier!
Something I'd like to briefly mention...I like this stanza quite a bit:
You've tapped into a really vulnerable feeling here of not feeling worthy of love...but your mantra of affirming you deserve it so is powerful! It really makes this piece not just an exploration of the complicated feelings of affection, but a call to action to be brave and accept the warmth that others give to you without guilt.
I enjoyed reading this very much. Thank you for sharing your work, and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you in the future!
I just type/write wutevr my mind thinks of and put in down fast...there is that better
Is this about someone? I really think this could be made into something cool. I seems to me to follow a rhythm that music follows. It seems like you are holding back something to someone. You should tell that person. I know this is the poem that hits the hardest of all the poems I ever read. So this is my review
I already told him...he's my bf I just feel so in love but feeling like Im not good enough
is that a good thing that it hits so hard?😆
Amazing work..✨this shows that you're an amazing writer. The poem held both sadness and the excitement of feeling love.the enlightenment of love. It feels like a young love that starting to bloom completely and beautifully.The rhyming in the lines is amazing.and yess my favourite line is
You're worthy of love, don't push it away.
That's amazing, I love this line. You truly deserve lovee.its like getting what we deserve truly isn't a mistake.
Great writing.love it
ty
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to uplift, not tear you down. And the fact that your ex partner couldn't do that says more about him than it does about you. This was such a beautiful heartbreaking poem to read, and I hope you find the love of your life, because you deserve love. You deserve the kind of love that makes you want to come home every night, the kind of love where you want to shout your feelings from on top of a mountain or somewhere high. I'm proud of you. Stay amazing!
ty.. it did really hurt when he did that 2 me but I have found my love now... he's amazing and makes me happy, I've never felt happier in my 16 years
Wow. I'm glad you made it.
I am 2..🥲 ty
You're welcome.
❤