Published June 25, 2005
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142,260 Literary Works • 677,099 Reviews
Wow, this is good. Really powerful, and that is how thoughts go when you're worried about something..
The last bit about the lumps made me crack up...if that's not what you want, better change it.
Yeah, I know. I just see young writers go on and on about whether not something is cliched or not and treat common ideas as though they were venomous snakes. I don't believe in avoiding cliches. I believe in playing with them for all they're worth and doing the best I can with whatever ideas work for what I am trying to do. All I care about is quality of execution.
But thank you for your thoughts, and for pointing out the typo.
I wasn't being negative, really. It was just a thought of mine on the piece.
Anyone who tells me my work is cliched will have their nose bitten off. I don't care about that, and it really annoys me when people obsess about how original an idea is.
I thought this idea was a little cliche, but it was extremely well executed. The stream of conscienceness was very well done, and very believeable.
There was a typo at the beginning:
Should be "my shoulder." Sorry, I'm anal.
-Sarah
Interesting, not bad. It confused me a little, but it's good, I lost track of who was who in some parts, but other than that it's fine.