Elmstreet Avenue

by Reyu

  • Short Story
  • Fantasy

Published November 26, 2007

Deleted

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Maki-Chan
Review
Maki-Chan wrote a review Review · Nov 28, 2007

oh...this is great! I like it. It a way I'm like John Smith being open and stuff. Nt very religious, and I can handle the truth very easlily.

I hope there is more!


:D

User avatar
Azila
Review
Azila wrote a review Review · Nov 26, 2007

This was pretty good!

I found it a little rambly, making me want to skim and a little telly rather than showy... but you just want grammar corrections, so that's what I'll give you. :P

Reyu wrote:My name is Jack smith.

Should be 'Smith'.

Reyu wrote:The dead only knows death.

Firstly, it should be 'The dead only know death.' And secondly, I think that since this is a reoccurring theme, you should make it flow better... maybe 'Only the dead know death.'

Reyu wrote:My only hopes is that whoever may still exist have not gone completely mad.

Should be 'hope' not 'hopes'.
-------

I think that's it for the grammar... you could work on it to flow better, though...

~Azila~



It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien