unnamed poem

by ScriboErgoSum

Published August 21, 2008

Hello,
This is one of the only poems I've written that I actually like. I know it's got some flaws but I wanted to see what other people thought. Thank you to anyone who reviews. :)



Worlds apart in not miles but mind
Or maybe distance of a different kind...
What's real changes colors, but through a heartbeat
One breath to the next is the same thing I meet.
It's easy to dream but before I can start
Perceptive doubt blows out the flame in my heart.
Fear and the real world team up to end
Any hope I might harbor. I don't pretend
That my heart rules my head or that I'm not aware
Of Logic's flaming exile for those who might dare.
Words out of a can tell lies that are real.
"Love" and "heartbreak" are excuses for what you feel.
So I hide in a mirror that twists what you see,
And edit the pounding-heart vision of me.
Yet inside my mirror I have time to think:
My eyes are my armor's only chink
And, trembling, raced to close this distance
Not once not twice with no resistance.
A long-ago hope across worlds uncertain-
I don't care. I am here. Show me again.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
ScriboErgoSum
Comment
ScriboErgoSum commented Comment · Aug 21, 2008

Thank you so much for reviewing and for your kind comments!!

I like the title suggestion, unsterblichkeit36. Thank you! :)

unsterblichkeit36 commented Comment · Aug 21, 2008

Brilliant! This was absolutley fabulous. I recomend calling it Worlds Apart

User avatar
Krupp
Review
Krupp wrote a review Review · Aug 21, 2008

Brilliant...quite honestly, that's all that comes to mind for me.

I apologize if I can't really give you any critiquing if you wanted some. This piece really does a great job overall.

The only thing I'd question is the message, but even the message is pretty readable. Nice piece; keep 'em coming.



Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus