ERROR: A body is born.
ERROR: A body is held.
ERROR: A body bleats.
ERROR: A body runs.
ERROR: A body ruminates.
ERROR: A body encounters other bodies.
ERROR: A body lets in filth.
ERROR: A body attacks the intruder.
ERROR: A body is alone.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body complains.
ERROR: A body is disbelieved.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body falls.
ERROR: A body is handled by doctors.
ERROR: A body gets up.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
ERROR: A body is loved.
ERROR: A body attacks its own cells.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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142,260 Literary Works • 677,099 Reviews
Hello Skorpionne! It's AJ here for a review. This little poem caught my eye and I really like the story it tells. The struggle with living with an autoimmune disease is all too real. I don't have one myself, but several of my relatives do.
I really love the first few lines. We see the beginning for this person. I'm a little confused by the line "A body runs." though. It's probably something really simple that I'm completely missing right now.
This is really good. How this begins and the first signs of this disease.
This is really hard hitting. The signs being ignored even though they're hurting.
Ignoring the signs, and now it comes back. It hits harder. They fall and have to be taken to the hospital. They recover, and get back up.
We read this and we go, no, not again. Then the line "A body is loved." and we go, oh thank goodness. Then it happens again. This never ending cycle of pain.
Overall, I really liked the story this told. It doesn't have a clean ending which is what makes it so good. Ordinarily I'd have more critiques but I really couldn't find anything.
Keep on living and writing!
AJ