Backlit by a candle he wrote his scribe
Undoing the knotted roper lying inside
In tongue nervous elapses rattled his throat
In pen ease settled into the words that wrote
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142,254 Literary Works • 677,089 Reviews
This is nice poem, and at first I thought it was too short, but I see now that you have filled every line with meaning, which ment I read it a few times before fully understanding.(not in a bad way).
I agree with the reviewer below me in that you are missing some punctuation. In view of what I said above, I would recommend that you put a full stop at the end of each line, to possibly slow the reader down.
I really liked your slightly archaic language, which reflected the mood and the message of the piece. I seemed appropriate.
Hope This Helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hey SuperMittens, Laure here for a review.
Hm, this is a certainly interesting poem. Perhaps some punctuation would have help you to convey the message better. Is a short poem, but that doesn't mean it bad. I like short poems, the simpler the better. I sometimes find long poems incredibly annoying. Anyways, I will get on with my review.
I like how each sentences rhymed with each other, that's always good to see in poetry. However, I was a bit confused by it.
'Backlit by a candle he wrote his scribe' -that's ok, I get that.
'Undoing the knotted roper lying inside' - Are you talking him undoing his thoughts, as in letting his ideas flow?
'In tongue nervous elapses rattled his throat ' - I don't quite get this...maybe I'm just too dim. I'm terrible at interpreting poems. x.x
'In pen ease settled into the words that wrote ' - Are you talking about the words he wants to say but can't write, and is instead shut inside a case? Like unspoken thoughts?
Is an interesting poem, keep up the good work and happy new year!
-Lx
Hi rikki here for a review.
This piece of poetry is very very short.
" Backlit by a candle he wrote his scribe
Undoing the knotted roper lying inside "
does these lines explain how writing is done by a candle after removing candle ropes?
" In tongue nervous elapses rattled his throat
In pen ease settled into the words that wrote "
Does these lines explains he/she/??? wrote with the candle.
There is a lack of explanation but being a poetry it may seem justified.
Anyways mate, keep on writing.
All the very best.