Words.
They float around me
Like water.
But some just never wash away
They become heavy weights
Resting on my shoulders
It feels like duct tape on my mouth, but
They're trapped in a jail inside me.
Waiting to break free.
But I know, one day,
They’ll find the courage
To slip out
To be free.
At last.
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142,252 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
Hi !!
So, y'all have been wanting to see my other works, so here you go. Hope you enjoy it!!
p.s - Keep suggesting!
Alliyah has actually seen this work beforehand, and she told me it was lovely, so I decided to publish it
Let me know what you guys think of this.
Mucho Love : D
Queenie
hey Juke here! I see a few other people have discovered this lovely poem, so forgive me for choosing to join the masses!
firstly, let me just say that the first few lines introduce us to the personification used here v. clearly, and your prose is great for the topic itself. the metaphors you use make this a living, breathing thing instead of just writing, and that’s something i love to see in poetry because it makes the words (pun unintended) come alive.
just one thing I wanted to clarify—when you say
what does ‘it’ refer to? I know logically speaking it’s referring to the idea of words, but then right after you use ‘they’ to describe them in plural, like you do throughout most of the poem. just something i was wondering about
this is beautiful work overall! glad to see you’re posting more and more every day. never stop writing.
~Juke
P.S., i saw on your page that you’re new to YWS. welcome !!! hope you enjoy it here !!
Aghhhhhh!!!!
I have to stop using "it's" in my poems. I will try to make sure I remember that from now on. Thanks for the welcome, and no, I won't stop writing, do not worry!!😊😊
Hey! I loved your poem, although I didn't relate to it. I'm rather outspoken, so I don't relate, but I see the dilemma in my friends, and I didn't know this was how hard it was for them to air views. Especially
I always thought of them as hiding their words, not being weighed down by them. Your poem gave me a perspective I didn't have, so thanks!!Tysm, I am so glad that you loved this poem, and now you understand how people like me feel. Sometimes, it's just that some of us feel that they would be judged by whatever we say, but that might not always be the case.
Your friends might just be hiding their words, but I'm not really sure, tbh.
anyways, WELCOME TO YWS, FELLOW WRITER FRIEND!!!
Mucho love,
Queenie.❤️❤️❤️
Hi! I loved this poem, and thought it was a really interesting view of writer's block or something similar. Let's get into the review:
A great start to the poem! I like the idea here. I wonder if maybe you could interject something more abstract here; why are they like water? It would be nice to have a description of why, and how that makes you feel!
Since you use correct punctuation elsewhere in the poem, I'd use it here, too. A period after 'shoulders' and a comma or a semicolon after 'away'. I also don't think the word 'just' adds anything extra here, and saying 'But some never wash away' is just as powerful.
I don't think 'but' is the right adjoining word here, since duct tape on the mouth would signal that they are trapped, where as 'but' makes me think you were going to say something opposite. I think you can strike that word altogether and put a period after 'mouth' and then a comma after 'me' to fit the lines together grammatically.
A nice ending. This wraps up the ideas of the poem very nicely. I do think that, in contrast to the duct tape image, it does seem a little less serious. How will the words slip out if there is tape over your mouth; I know that's a metaphor, but I think the logic should still swing. If you suggest that the words are being physically stopped, like they are in a jail, maybe 'escape' is a better word that slipped, since it would stick with that metaphor?
Thank you for the comment!!!
hi
i really liked the poem, and the descriptions were amazing, i just feel like the ending was a bit abrupt, and didn't feel fully resolved. overall, great poem
Oh thanks ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hello, JustBug here with a review!
Praise:
This was a beautiful and highly relatable poem. You began the poem with such powerful imagery, such as in these lines:
and
This creates such a beautiful and effective contrast to your writing!
Then, you say:
Which really captures how it feels to be trapped in your own mind, not being able to speak the words you want to say so badly.
Critique:
While the metaphors you used were great, they are a bit confusing all together. For instance, you say:
and then, later on, you say:
Putting them further apart could sound better, or just carrying one metaphor throughout the whole thing would fix the flow.
Overall, this was a great and highly relatable poem! Thank you, have a good night/day, and be safe!
Oh thank you JuneBug!
Appreciate it