I feel it too, you know.
The longing, a lust,
that need to be 'human'
the craving to be 'your man'.
For however much you may wish
my soul to be a void,
these feelings are mine -
they're the ones I can't avoid.
So sleep easily, rest peacefully
and let your mind wander forth
to fantasy through phallacy -
to be who you are and nothing more.
In your dreams, I will be there -
always waiting, never judging -
until you realise, for certain
how real this could become.
It may seem forward of me,
to hold you as my beacon,
my angel, my guidance -
it's you who's held alone.
When you finally come to terms
with the feelings you incubate -
the inebriating spirit within
your fickle heart:
I will be here, any time at all -
sitting, contemplating, awaiting your call.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
I personally am fine with "big words" (by the way, when did "unfamiliar" become synonymous with "big"?) I do agree that you could use SOME figurative language - this is a poem, after all, and since it's free verse figurative language is even more important than it is in a poem that rhymes. However, I wouldn't go overboard with it in this specific poem - there's something kind of beautiful about the sparseness of it.
Overall: Good job.
~Blue
Not bad, but why so many big words? Some people (like me) don't understand a couple of those. But it is good and sad. Just add some more figurative language, like alliteration and imagery.