The Insecurities of the Sun ☀️🌙
Once upon a time, the Sun shone alone in the sky, and everyone admired its light. It was happy until the Moon appeared and became its friend.
However, whenever they talked, the Sun often felt left out. It began to feel jealous of the Moon and wondered how it could become more beautiful and brighter.
The Sun tried its best to shine brighter than ever. Soon, everyone was amazed by its beauty and couldn't stop admiring it.
But when the Moon arrived, it covered the Sun. Everyone turned their attention to the Moon, taking pictures and admiring its beauty instead.
The Sun felt sad. It wondered what was wrong with itself and why it was never enough.
The Moon noticed the Sun's sadness and asked, “Why are you sad?”
The Sun replied, “I wish I could be like you. You're so beautiful, and I wish I were just as beautiful as you.”
The Moon smiled gently and said, “Sun, do you know why I shine? It's because of you. The light that makes me beautiful comes from you. We are both beautiful in our own ways, and there is no such thing as an ugly soul.”
The Sun smiled at the Moon's words, finally understanding that it didn't need to compete with its friend to be special.
From that day on, the Sun and Moon became best friends, learning to appreciate one another's beauty instead of comparing themselves.
The End. ☀️🌙
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142,337 Literary Works • 677,277 Reviews
I loved this! As Antonio pointed out, this feels like something made for kids (which I think was your intention), and if so this is lovely! I haven't read much fables or short stories for kids in a long time, but this immediately just reminded me of those. You've nailed the prose for this type of thing, and the progression is also sensible and easy to follow.
The only thing would be, as Antonio also hinted at, it'd be depth. The end message is predictable and the characters are simple. That isn't a bad thing, especially if it's for kids, but when I was reading the story, the conclusion felt a little anticlimactic. But then again, that's the point of these stories, so don't stress over that! Change it only if you think it fits for the purpose you made it for.
This part definitely was the highlight for me. The straightforward language and the wrap just reminded me of sitting on the floor in school reading those wooden-like short books. Gave me nostalgia.
Loved reading this, keep going! Happy writing!
Hello Mary Jane,
A fable. Nice to see those are still being written. Although condensed into a short short fiction piece, I still enjoyed the personification of the Sun and Moon characters in this story. I would reccomend fleshing them out more though. Right now, it reads like a children's story from grades K-3rd. I can see your story being told to this age group. If that wasn't your intention, I would expand on the plot of the story. Always yourself two questions. What else and then what. With that you can expand the pages and words of your story. Scenework could also help out with your story. Wish you the best of luck miss.
-Antonio