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142,253 Literary Works • 677,086 Reviews
Hi Canopy! Rev is here for a review with Team Butterflies today! <3
Firstly, I love the formatting here. Playing around with structure is one of my favourite ways to enhance a poem, and I think it really does with yours. The way it slowly drips down the page mirrors the description of blood in the first few lines. It's like the narrator of the poem is in so much mental pain, the real pain is something they want to draw out in order to better feel something.
The central image to me seems to be that self-destruction has been reframed as devotion or performance, hammer and hand imagery pushed into body-horror territory. The hand is being hit in the same way you might hit a piano key as you practice a recital. The visceral language is your strength here, Bones shattering, blood seeping" and "the bone and sinew drooling from my wrist like the shredder" are very vivid, and the poem's power comes from the fact it doesn't flinch away from this.
The strongest line for me is:
It really highlights the underlying trauma the narrator is experiencing without overstating it.
I have no critiques here really; I thought it was a veru beautifully sad piece of poetry, and I hope you are doing okay <3
Thanks for the review rev! I am doing better <3
Review time woooooo!
One of my favorite parts of this poem is the unique format of the words, the spaces, the way the words jump out of spot is really unique and something I don’t see very often which is pretty cool. I also love how messed up the concept is breaking your own hand with a hammer just for attention it’s super messed up but also quite tragic. There’s some really cool similes too like the twirling the hammer like a strand of hair bit I really liked, but my favorite was the saying bones and sinew was drooling from the hand that’s a cool little personification that I haven’t seen before.
While I do love the unique format I do think there’s some awkward cuts despite it being in still continuing with the same sentence. For example I think the line should be formatted like:
To show them what happened
Not
To show
Them what happened.
Having that jumped mid sentence can feel a little awkward to read.
Also please make sure to capitalize your I’s because that was really bothering me 😭
But all and all, crazy but tragic and cool story, unique format and cool unique language used but minor grammar and format things I think you could touch up on.