oh what did you see?
wonder I do,
yeah it was painful for me,
was it painful for you?
did it make you want to cry,
did it make you want to scream?
when you looked in the mirror,
oh yes what did you see?
did you see yourself then,
or did you look at a stranger and think,
or perhaps you wished?
if only my body was a bit different,
if only my hair was a bit shorter,
if only my clothes fit just the right way...
and then one day you relized,
that many others have felt the same,
but still it was only you,
looking at the reflection,
that stood by itself,
but now its a ghost,
cause your someone else.
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142,485 Literary Works • 678,115 Reviews
I absolutely loved your poetry like oh my gosh. You perfectly portrayed the feeling of a loss of sense of self, a loss of who you were.
Your last few lines were particularly beautiful to me, because at that moment, the speaker could no longer think of the wishes they had, but only a solemn sort of dissociation and more than that, a loss, from who they were before. That was really impactful, and almost made me wish that the speaker would still criticize themself, if only to regain that recognition when they stare in the mirror.
In my opinion, your spacing, your diction, and your flow were a perfect fit for the message you wanted to convey. Your poem was beautiful.
As for any critiques, maybe stanzas would've been structurally more appealing, but then again, it also builds momentum upon reading it.