Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This story is under my folder “A monster creeps along”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.writerfeed.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=330. Enjoy and Happy Spooky Season!*
Everywhere he went became a blur. Markus knew only his own name. Whenever he tried to remember his past, it came up all fogged over.
He felt that he wasn’t supposed to be a creature. That he was supposed to be something else. He didn’t want to hear people’s screams, but they always came bubbling up every time he ate.
He wanted to eat things that didn’t scream, that didn’t sound like they were hurt. He had eaten adults, but never once children.
But he was standing in a room, surrounded by four dead little girls. The first children he ever ate. They still tasted like guts injected with terror, like puke-inducing pedialyte, but it was the only thing that filled him up. That kept him going.
And just like those other moments, Markus hurled all of their guts on the floor, his red eyes ringed with tears.
What was he but a thing that ate and ate and ATE, leaving mangled corpses in his wake?
………………………………………………………………………………………….
Even in the haziness of his monster memory, Markus recognized the zebra-striped creature as Mia.
She had pounced on him from out of nowhere, breaking apart his skin and bringing him down. He didn’t die without bringing up a fight.
He and his older sister, dying alongside the human girls. There were tears in Mia’s eyes, but he couldn’t wipe them away. They were both fading away to dust, but he’d try and comfort her in death.
She had more humanity in her than him. She had to kill him or else he’d do more evil. It hurt his heart, but he understood.
The memories were flooding back, but what was the point? They would never get to see the sunlight ever again.
At least they were both freed from Imogen.
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
Wow this was amazing!!
The entire way you write about something assuming I know it, and then afterwards explain it is awesome. I read one paragraph and I'm enticed but confused, and then when I read the next it clicks and I realize the horrors. I've always loved this style and you've pulled it off wonderfully
This was also really nice, it tied up everything said before and it felt like a proper doorway to what was happening next.
The next section is also filled with that assuming thing, which I loved! But I think it might've been too much especially in the second section. But that's just my taste, some people like it otherwise.
The ending was nice too, but it felt kind of incomplete because I'm unsure what Imogen is. Is it a curse, a disease, or something else? Again, the style is lovely here: I'm enticed and want to know what this thing called Imogen is, but I also want a hint at what it could be. It's definitely a plus point to not explain everything (especially in a short story) but leaving me in the dark just feels incomplete.
Overall though, I loved the read. It was not very fast paced, not too slow either; very good prose, style, structure and ideas as well! Phenomenal! Keep it up, happy writing!
Imogen is the woman who cursed Markus and Mia to be monsters. I have more lore under the folder I mentioned in the note but I’ll be certain to add more.
Thx for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed!
Ah okay! Sorry I didn't know xD. When you said "story" I interpreted that as a standalone piece just put in the folder you referenced. That's on me, my bad >.<!
But yeah, your work is really good! Happy writing!
Thx!