*This story is under my folder “Perdita and Thorne…” Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.writerfeed.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=375. Enjoy!*
Perdita had eaten stolen food from diners and lived in a small house in the middle of the woods, decaying and filled with spiders, but at least the furniture was white with pink roses printed on it and the outside of the house was pink.
She still did not know what she was supposed to do. She saw people and didn’t speak to them. She just searched for whatever food she could find and slept.
She also took clothes from huge buildings, only there was a supposed currency for the clothing that she didn’t have, so regrettably, Perdita was stealing.
There was perhaps the possibility that Perdita could try and take up a job to get money. That was what she heard from people in passing, anyway. They always told her to “Get a job!” when they saw her. But where would she work? The diners? The huge buildings? She did not want to work anywhere. Everywhere was loud and constantly moving.
She kept thinking that she’d wake up somewhere else. It was in a distant part of her mind, barely there at all, but it would come back every once in a while. Maybe she didn’t belong there. Maybe she had to go somewhere else.
Perdita didn’t know what else to do. Her heart raced with the monotony of the days.
Things would change. One day.
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142,603 Literary Works • 679,108 Reviews
I really love the lonely, kind of sad vibe this story has going for Perdita. That image of her living in a broken-down house in the woods that's still pink inside is so cool. It totally makes sense how overwhelmed she feels by the loud outside world and people telling her to get a job. The ending is super interesting too because it really leaves you wondering what's going to happen next!
I’m glad you enjoyed it! :>
I haven't read any Perdita in a while, so let's get into it!
I enjoyed that we got a lot about what she's up to now, and I think the characterisation is good. But it doesn't have any action or scene, like maybe an interaction between Perdita and who she is stealing food from or someone talking to her on the street, as that would just bring it to life a bit more. Regardless of that, I enjoyed it!
I think this is a bit long for an opening sentence, and you could split it into two for more dramatic effect, since I really like the ideas you introduce here. I also think 'Perdita ate food she stole from diners' makes more sense with the tense, since 'had' would assume she doesn't still do it, but the 'at least' makes this sound like now.
'Perdita lived in a small house in the middle of the woods, decaying and filled with spiders, and to survive, she had to eat food she stole from local diners. At least the furniture was white with pink roses printed on it, and the outside of the house was pink.' maybe?
I think this could tacked on to the first paragraph and explained more. We already know she scavenges food, so you don't need to mention it again, but maybe go into more context of why she doesn't know what to do or how she feels?
Hmm, I think we can already glean that Perdita is stealing, hence the food, so maybe this needs to come earlier? I think that all of these would be most impactful as one, larger opening paragraph (but just my opinion of course!)
I think maybe more context about who these people are. Are they people living in the city, who see her when she's stealing, or are they the shop owners, etc? It's just a bit too vague, so sounds more like a blurb catching us up on what happened then a story. But i do really love the detail about her not wanting to work because everything was too loud, that's great characterisation.
Maybe have her reminisce in more detail about what she's remembering, as I had forgotten since it's been a while since i read a Perdita story!
Aww poor Perdita, I do feel so bad for her in this story!!
She doesn't actually remember anything, but I do agree that perhaps I could have described more. Thank you for reading!