Josefina’s curse

Ident News. A review is incoming. Switching to secure frequency now…
Good morning creeper! I’m trying to help @4revgreen keeping the Green Room clear so hi!
(So no wonder I’m gonna use her Review Template hehe)

Hello writer, I’ll be reviewing using the CryCast template today!

//ST4-W — AWAITING COLLECTION//
(first impressions, initial read)
I always am more fond of your poetry than your very short chapters so this already put me in a good mood.

//SIGNAL CLEAR ON 94.5//
(what’s working, strongest parts of the piece)
I really like the characterization throughout the poem!
I also like that you mention the specific place (grandma’s) where the horror lurks and how other ppl are also aware of it but it feels like everyone is just trying to ignore it…

//RELAYS DOWN//
(weak points, things that broke the connection)

Josefina thought that she’d have a happy family, that they’d never experience the horrors

I feel like this monster of a verse kinda breaks the rhythm you have going :3

//FREQUENCY CHANGE REQUIRED//
(suggestions, things to consider revising)
I would advise you to be a bit more specific. Without real context, we have this unnamed horror but it also doesn’t really DO anything.

//BROADCAST ENDING — THANK YOU//
(closing thoughts)
Overall a lovely addition to the canon, just a bit too vague to have the most impact ^^

This has been CryCast. Stay safe out there. Crawlers have been sighted in the south of the city.

Hey creeper! This is a really interesting poem

I love how it opens with:

Born Josefina Agnelli

Married Desmond Fitzpatrick

It reads like a wedding register, in an almost clinical-sounding voice. I think this voice suits the story of a curse passing through a lineage. Josefina's identity was rewritten when she married, and stating it this way cleverly sets up the inheritance.

This part, where we learn that her mother had seen something too but never said anything:

She always saw something odd

At Grandma’s house

Mom seemed to notice too

But never said a word

So Josefina kept her mouth shut

is particularly strong. Two women see the same thing, and each protects themselves by saying nothing, and then Josefina repeats the pattern by keeping her mouth shut, which is where the real horror comes in!

One thing in that part, though, is that the perspective is third person, but says 'Mom' which implies a speaker, so I would maybe change that to 'her Mom'

Josefina thought that she’d have a happy family, that they’d never experience the horrors

This line is quite long compared to the others, so it throws off the metre and perhaps you could cut it down into two lines?

But family demons never truly die

They’ll always come back to bite

The ending feels a bit weaker to me, since it relies more on telling than showing. Compared with the opening's specific names and dates, it feels a little flatter to me.

Overall, an interesting poem!