Published May 14, 2010
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142,247 Literary Works • 677,082 Reviews
I'm a little late on the draw here....
This is very, very interesting indeed! I still do wish that we got more scenes between when Andrea leaves and when she invites the doctor to her wedding, but oh well.
Man, how I would love to see this play performed!
Well done, and I'm off to read the next scene!
OK I agree with you about the language. I think this can be fixed with a bit more character development. I will see what I can do about giving the characters their own unique voices, and remain solidly in a specific period in time...
Haha, funny because I was going to send you a pm this morning, asking where are the other scenes had went.
Ok, Ember, great chapter. It flowed well and I followed it easily. I didn't find any grammar mistakes but I agree with Bondgirl. I got the impression its an older speech, older times but then she swears (bitch, damn) and then the impression is gone. It's rather confusing.
But I really truly liked this scene. I'm off to the next!
Tanya
Well good to see you posting again!
Now the biggest thing I've noticed is that you have the characters using kind of a fluffy, sort of 1930's sort of language. Which is cool, but I assume it's more modern then that, so it seems kind of unrealistic. Which I think it works perfectly for Vivica, but the other characters...not really. Now since all the characters talk basically the same way, it makes it sound bland. I want to be able to read this, and tell who's saying what just by the way they talk, give them character! Because right now they all sound the same.