Have you met Miss Scarlet Fair?
Baby blue eyes and long dark hair.
She was once a great love of mine,
but people are marbled by time.
She ran off somewhere far away—
at least that is what the sailors say.
You can hear her calling from the ocean blue,
be careless and she will sing to you.
Miss Scarlett Fair, Miss Scarlett Fair,
baby blue eyes and long dark hair.
She’ll sing songs of waters deep,
just to lure you in your sleep.
I have met Miss Scarlett Fair,
with her blue eyes and long dark hair.
She sang a song of what I could not have;
I dove in and heard her laugh.
The waters churned as she pulled me under—
it was then I woke from my slumber.
So cover your eyes,
and close your ears,
or be drowned in others' tears.
Miss Scarlett Fair, Miss Scarlett Fair,
baby blue eyes and long dark hair.
Do not meet Miss Scarlett Fair,
with her blue eyes and long dark hair.
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142,356 Literary Works • 677,304 Reviews
Hi! I loved reading this so much!! It reminded me of, this might seem strange, Sufism! It's a mystic school of thought related to Islam, which is all about working to see the true divine being, the God, who is commonly portrayed as a friend or lover. The mystics who claim to have seen this true being dance and sing and write all about him, using different metaphors to convey what this being is like, and what the feeling is of meeting him. So when I was reading this, it felt like you were a student of Rumi (a big mystic in Sufism) writing about Rumi (sometimes the poetry is about the mystic's teacher who showed them the path to God). There's a nice aura to it all which pulls you in, almost like an invitation, to see who this Miss Scarlet Fair is.
Really made it feel that mystic way for me. And so reading from that lens was really fun and amazing.
But obviously I don't think you had Sufism in mind, your poem is about this symbol (miss scarlet fair) whom you want to be with and not be with at the same time. As if you've met her and are with her, but also as if you've met her and not with her now. This vagueness and openness really works!
The rhyming scheme is also consistent, except some places (like the "laugh" has to be forcefully said in an accent to make it rhyme with "have") but that's minor. The only thing I'd say is that whilst I think you didn't want to have lyrical cadence to this, it has great potential to contain it. But right now if I try reading it in rhythm some lines break that.
Oh and here, I think it should be "it was then *when* I woke from my slumber"
Finally, the ending. I love it conceptually! But the repetition of Miss Scarlet Fair makes it feel a bit... Well... Repeated. I feel like it could've been something more. And ending on "don't meet Miss Scarlet Fair" is amazing, love that intriguing openness!
Anyway that's all from me, loved this. Happy writing!