Published December 16, 2005
Much like yoha_ahoy's required english ballad. The rules: must have a set rhyme scheme (refrain does not have to follow the scheme), a refrain,at least 6 stanzas, a plot, a crisis, and an old-english theme (romantic, loss, grief, etc.). So... I came up with this.
Cliff Johnston
Cliff Johnston, what happened to you?
How am I supposed to feel?
Were you my best friend?
How am I supposed to heal?
Please, stop haunting me
I thought I had forgotten you
Even though I was there that day
I wish I never knew
I told myself over and over
That it never came to be
Yet now I realize,
You I’ll never see
Cliff Johnston, what happened to you?
How am I supposed to feel?
Were you my best friend?
How am I supposed to heal?
I remember that day so crystal clear
It was only me and you
We went walking out on the ice
Then you vanished without a clue
I searched for you forever,
Slowly starting to die,
But there was nothing left of you
And I began to cry.
Cliff Johnston, what happened to you?
How am I supposed to feel?
Were you my best friend?
How am I supposed to heal?
I was desperately looking around,
With tears rolling down my face.
I prayed I would find you soon,
Yet there was no sign or trace.
Then I saw a hole in the ice
And I knew it was the key.
I rushed as quickly as I could.
Please don’t drown on me!
Cliff Johnston, what happened to you?
How am I supposed to feel?
Were you my best friend?
How am I supposed to heal?
But before I could even get there
Something caught my eye,
Stopping me suddenly.
Please Cliff don’t you die!
There you were looking up at me;
I’ll never forget your face.
Your eyes were cold as stone,
Locked in their frozen case.
Cliff Johnston, I’m so sorry;
I should’ve never let you die.
Now I hope you will forgive me
For never saying “Goodbye.”
Why was it you instead of me?
You were my best friend.
And I must ask you,
“Will your death ever end?”
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Canary word: Present
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This is good. Interesting subject kinda creepy. Yeah, some of your rhythm was off and it was choppy. I suggest fixing that and a few of the rhyms maybe. Sorry I don't have much time now but good job, hope you got an A!
Changed... sorry about the grammar error. Any better?
Just some nitpicks:
I didn't have much of a problem with it, besides some little things that are really just my own bothers.
Cliff Johnston, where are you?
How am I supposed to feel?
Were you my best friend?
What am I supposed to believe?
This was the repeating stanza, yet it bothered me a bit. It was probably because the rhyme established throughout was ABCB and this stanza's rhyme was not quite that.
I told myself over and over
That it never came to be
Yet now I realize,
You I’ll never see
Rhythm here is a little off. I suggest adding something in the 3rd line and maybe rewording the last line.
I searched for you forever,
Slowing starting to die,
Instead of 'slowing' you should have 'slowly.'
As for the poem, it's different, I must say.