I tear away at my skin
My sins are gravity; I sink once more.
The pain stings now, then crushes again the next day.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor.
Every fault, mistake, and regret embedded in my core.
Desperate grabs have no effect; they won't give way.
My sins are gravity; I sink once more.
Aching jaw, burning shame, I bear what I abhor.
I wish I could just put my life on delay.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor.
I grind each last excuse to dust and ask for more.
I spit each plea for mercy back; it has no right to stay.
My sins are gravity; I sink once more.
Exhaustion sends me keeling, braced against the door.
I slam the verdict down before I have my say.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor.
I name my faults; name them again; there’s none I can ignore.
I glare with contempt at the thoughts I betray.
My sins are gravity; I sink once more.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor.
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142,257 Literary Works • 677,096 Reviews
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
.Am moon!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Firstly i really liked this poem it is so good to read and it has that so many things.i think this poem is about a speakers is trapped in their own guilt. And they compare there sins to gravity.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I don't have suggestion.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
The repetition is beautiful. And that title gravity! Wow! First i thought its about something romantic but... Yeah my favorite line is
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall it has that dark, heavy vibe. I hope you are okay dear. Keep writing!! Thank you for sharing.
Hey @gravityusurper!!
I usually dont do reviews anymore but this! This i just had to. Its such an amazing piece.
I honestly dont see much you should change cus i personally prefer slightly free style poetry. Maybe u can change the structure a bit, make the lines shorter but honestly upto u. I like it the way it is.
I am a huge fan of dark personal poetry so this one was right up my alley. I really like the repeatation u used, it really binds the reader to the poem and very well convey the theme of crumbling weight of mistakes and regrets. The imagery in this poem is really nice, very jarring, very honest. Like i cant even pick one all of the thing is amazing.
The part of naming your sins, aching jaw everything the reader can fully feel the shame, pain and burden of the poet. So personally this is an amazing piece. Like the last 2 stanzas, amazing absolutely amazing!!
"Exhaustion sends me keeling, braced against the door.
I slam the verdict down before I have my say.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor.
I name my faults; name them again; there’s none I can ignore.
I glare with contempt at the thoughts I betray.
My sins are gravity; I sink once more.
I drag the dark, dead weight of my life across the floor."
So real good piece, very strong imagery of a dark painful realm. Overall, very nice. I am so thankful to have read this. Hope U keep writing forever.
Good Day!