Published March 31, 2006
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stop trying to rhyme, because when you rhyme you usually should have a more steady rhythm...which isn't upheld in this poem.
Ergh, I really didn't like this at all. The last bit in parentheses (can you hear me my dear) and after was good. but the rhyming was too much. You would be better off trying to convey your emotions through freewrite.
Good luck.