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142,335 Literary Works • 677,275 Reviews
When I read this work, the first thing I imagined was the cold. What this poem does well is that it does not state what's happening. It's fragmented, grammatically inconsistent, with odd spacing here and there. That's makes the poem work, there's an intimacy in those details. There's an imperfectness that I find in your writing that makes it all the more beautiful.
Also, making the poem this one large paragraph works as it makes the images hit harder and feel more compressed. So that was a smart decision.
From what I can tell at least, it seems to be about fragments and journals of what you noticed in january. There's some really abstract yet potent imagery hear that the viewer feels instead of understanding. If I had any qualms for your poem, it would be that sometimes the transitions between imagery are quite harsh and sometimes the reader may feel they can't keep up with imagining what happens in the poem. In my opinion, this works and makes the poem feel more distant to me, but for others, I'm concerned won't feel the same about this piece.
I think this is a really powerful piece you've made and I hope to see more of your work
Hey lalalucky! I'm so excited to share my thoughts on this poem as I love this style of poetry.
The title introduces the poem to the piece, which is full of beautiful images that don't seem connected but are connected through the experience of the narrator and the emotional impact written. The images listed don't hide a secret meaning, but act as a reflection for the narrator and a representation of their life. This poem feels like a snapshot of looking into ones life in January, done through the description of scattered photos. I really enjoy this, as it feels personal, but not vulnerable---close, yet still distant.
The language in this poem is anything but simple. It twists and winds around the reader, which can sort of read confusing but it feels intentional, like the narrator is spilling forth all their thoughts on the page. It doesn't lose the reader but makes them wonder what the narrator is saying. The long line lengths, the variation in sentence length, and the language all work together to create a cohesive piece that hinges on the imagery and emotional impact of the poem.
I don't have many suggestions, or critiques to give! But I wanted to express my admiration for the piece and it's uniqueness regardless.
Really hoping you continue writing and posting on YWS! Your work is so well-done and I enjoy seeing you present on the site <3
Hi lucky! Incoming review!
I'm a sucker for poetry without any line breaks. It condenses what you have to say and makes the reader read it in almost a feverish way because there is nothing to pace us. I think that works really well with this poem because as you said in your description, it is more like a journal entry. With that said, lets get on with the review.
I'll start with critique. There are a couple lines that grammatically are hard to grasp. For example:
I don't know if you meant to use "reaching" or meant to put a comma between "arms" and "reached". The imagery is spectacular, but overshadowed by the way it's a little hard to read. The other line I saw was
Again, you could have meant "maybe my teeth were rotting" or "my tooth was rotting". Those were pretty small nitpicks.
Onto some praise! Normally I prefer poetry with a clear-through metaphor that stays the entire poem. Your poem actually benefits from the jumble of feelings. I think if you were to have chosen a single motif, the rawness would have been lost. Poetry is a a heightened art form and doesn't reflect reality perfectly, but you were writing to show how you felt as close as you possibly could. I can't even pinpoint what some of the lines mean, but I get it. My favorite was
The runon structure of it all and the visceral vocabular used gets me to feel instead of think. You did really good.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you enjoyed. Keep on writing whenever you can and have a great day! Byeeeee
Okay I may be slow... but I kinda maybe had to read this like seven times to grasp the meaning.
I still don't really get it, but it has a nice vibe to it.
There's one spot where you have a triple space, I don't know if it's intentional but just telling you. It would be a lot easier if you maybe had a text version? I don't know.
I suck at reviewing and I didn't have much time and I know this probably was like no help at all I'm sorry. It probably won't count as a review tbh.
There's not really a "meaning" in the sense people think of, just descriptions of what i went through in January and my feelings on that written more abstractly. This poem is more closer to being a "journal entry" cut up into poetic images to be interpreted through them than a symbol. yes, the spaces are intentional.
It's fine, thanks for the comment.
OHH ok sorry I see it now
I don't even remember what I did in May, you got better memory than me!