The bed is there to keep me asleep
And blankets are there to bind me
The pillows are there to muffle my screams
My grandmother’s ashes sits next to me
While I’m curled up like a baby
Maybe I’m some metaphor of a reborned life
But I think I’ve disrespected the ashes
The canvas is wiped clean
The dried spots of the tears remain
Remain, that’s a haunting word.
Especially since it’s Halloween. But the children don’t trick or treat here anymore
Ever since grandma died
The old people die in their care facilities
The young people grow old
My grandmother was a woman once
But she began losing her body
At the ripe age of 72
I wonder if I’ll make it to 72.
Coiled up in my bed
My fortress of solitude sleeps with me
And I wonder if the heart attacks I feel
Will last with me till I die.
Because yes, the heart can feel hurt
I’m tired of making sad poems
That remind me of sad things
Like the ashes of my grandmother
So one day, one of these days
I plan to take the urn
Open it and let it blow
Because I think then
My grandma would’ve loved-
Would’ve loved to feel the wind
And I wonder for my ashes
If one day
I’ll scatter
But before that ever happens
I wonder for the day that I die
Will my cat eat my face
The clouded smoke
Breathes
Breathes
And dissipates into the ozone
And I
I
die a song
Playing
Scattering
Dancing with the wind
And I
I
See my cat for one last time
And smile
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Hi Maddox! I'm Jade. Your poem's title caught my attention, so I am super excited to review it today.
this line, while simple and conveying the point, doesn't continue the flow of the poem's descriptive language and depressing undertones. I think instead of "sad poems/sad things" you could expand on this more and use more descriptive words. I understand that the whole poem is a sad thing, but I think the flow is slightly interrupted with these phrases.The first stanza's use of comfy, safe objects, like a bed and blanket, juxtaposed with vivid imagery, like binding and muffling, is quite intense. I like how you set the scene and was excited to see how you'd build off this tension.
I really like this line. It's just so beautiful and leaves me with an accepting sense of sorrow. I wonder what will happen to me, and how quickly it will all go by.
I love how you broke away from the stanza format in the end. It feels like a rush to get everything down before it's forever forgotten, and looks like it could be words dancing in the wind.
Overall, I really enjoyed your poem and hope to read more from you soon! I hope this review was helpful
Jade
Hi thank you! I'll take note of this!!!
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
.Am moon!!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I was already sad and i read this poem am crying hard again... Ok now. I think this poem is about loss, grief, loneliness and fear of death. And speaker struggling with grandmother loss. And the bed here is the safe place where they hide their feelings. And i get even sad in cat line.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I have no suggestions.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Ok i like the whole poem. And my favorite line is
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
It was beautiful, haunting sad vibe poem. And keep writing!! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you!!
Yw
Plz!!! Don't make me cry.... * sobbing * 😭😭