Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Mom entrusted you to watch for the day. My sister was in Hawaii and you'd just turned twenty. I always thought you were handsome but Jesus, I was only thirteen. Your skin reminded me of milk and your eyes were like a deep amber fire. so pretty...
Yet, your hands crawled about me like I was a prized jewel found deep in the heart of a shipwreck. I said stop but maybe I wasn't loud enough; maybe I was too drunk and drugged up that my words that were in my skull were floating around aimlessly, getting tangled behind my teeth.
My hearing was fading in and out; occasionally taking time to pick out words that had been rotting in your mind. I remembered a few at least but not enough to know anything.
Angel.
Sweetheart.
Princess.
Darling.
Slut.
Whore.
Bitch.
Then your touch got greedy, lustful at that. Taking to much at once. Taking what wasn't fucking yours; something I didn't want to give away for free.
It's all a blur after that but I remember that you told me to keep crying; then you hit me.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
Twice.
If you tell anyone what I did I'll kill you. You understand that? You'll be in more trouble than I will.
Yes I promise Matt but the problem is I don't really remember.
Then when you were done you buttoned your shorts, covered me in blakets, and told me you were sorry.
But honestly Matt, were you sorry? You weren't sorry the second time, the third, the fourth, the fifth (especially the fifth), sixth, seventh, eighth time you did it? You cried like a baby when you got caught. Had your face buried in your hand and you cried like a stupid fucking man child.
i didn't hurt her. it was consensual. she wanted it.
Rememeber I got pregnant. Gave birth to a stillborn? How the doctors said she would be taken away from me. Told me she was okay? That baby didn't fucking live. She died that day. Everybody told me for years she was alive. She wasn't she was dead. Another family gave birth to a baby girl, told 'em they should name her Monarch.
And they did.
Not because they knew me; not because they knew my amazing story.
Maybe that's the worst part.
For years, I let myself believe that she was somewhere out there. Living her beautiful life.
But she didn't grow up.
Matt got to keep his story though.
So, Matt, I don't remember everything you did to me.
But, I remember how it hurt.
How it stung.
I remember my baby girl though.
Monarch.
Chew that up and spit it out handsome.
You said I wanted it, I was thirteen, Matt.
Thirt-fucking-teen.
I know you said your were sorry; but I'll spend the rest of my sick life knowing your weren't.
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142,323 Literary Works • 677,256 Reviews
Hi there! I’m on my phone so apologies if there are any mistakes in my review, I have a tiny phone screen!
This piece is terrifying, upsetting and disturbing all in one go, but written in a way that does not trivialize the matters at hand. It handles them with an emotional maturity and sensitivity which made it very hard to read without feeling deeply angry on the behalf of the narrator for what happened to her. If this is a true story, partly true or inspired by something real, I really hope you have been able to heal and overcome the trauma but if it is made up, I am in awe at your ability to write about serious topics!
The first thing that drew me in was how the pronoun “you” is used to accost the reader. We are not the intended recipient of the message, we are not Sissy’s boyfriend, but we are instantly thrown into the story and made to feel hostile. It’s a great technique to give the story real personal insight and feelings.
The part where the words go from angel to whore and bitch being stand out in the page is a poignant way to show how sharp those words can cut. The same effect is achieved in the repetition of “twice” after Matt hits the narrator is harrowing, this poor girl has been so much we are seeing the effects on the page.
When I got to the part about the baby, the stillborn girl named Monarch, I wanted to cry. It was so sad and tragic and another baby being named the same name is so upsetting for the poor narrator.
There’s not really many criticisms for me to offer here, since it displays six raw emotion, it would be a shame to change anything
<3
Hello, JustBug here with another review for you!
Praise:
The metaphors you used here are very moving and powerful, capturing the narrator's trauma beautifully.
Examples:
and
The tension you created with the repeated words gave the poem a chilling feel that really helped capture the weight of the assault.
Critique:
At the end, the writing moves very quickly from the assault, to the pregnancy, to the stillborn child. Slowing this down a bit could give the information/feelings a bit to really sink in.
Overall, this was a very emotional and raw story. You brought light to a very heavy subject masterfully. This was great, I can't wait to read more of your writing.
Thank you, have a good day/night, and stay safe! 🖤
tysmmm bugg