The full moon's reflections echoed across the lake as I watched from my window. Of all the things I'd wished for on the first star of the night, it was always to visit that lake. It was just out of reach at the edge of the castles border. There had been multiple times when village children had snuck out, diving into and playing in the cold water. Their laughter echoed off the lake just like the moon did.
This was one of the brightest moon's in a while. It felt as if when my spirit duller, as did the moons. Tonight it seemed much happier. Maybe that was a sign for me as well. The party was still alive downstairs despite the late hour. I was thankful to have made my escape as early as I had. Normally, I was forced to attend much longer than I had tonight. Evander said that the party would be ending shortly, and I could simply head up, but that must have been ages ago. Rather odd.
A part of me was tempted to go back down to the party, but I knew that if I did, I would not be able to leave as easily as I had before. Father was probably angry enough that I had left so early, especially without properly telling him. If I were to reappear, it would only anger him more. Though, everything seemed to anger him recently.
More stars began to gradually appear, flooding the sky with their life. According to Evander, tonight you were meant to be able to see Venus without any equipment. I was grateful for that considering all of mine had been taken on account of it making me being sick. Even with it gone, I still wasn't better, but Father insisted. Regardless, I tended to ignore that particular piece of advice. Once I had gone without everything my father attempted to deny me, and I never improved. I believe I worsened, not because I grew sicker, but because I couldn't be bothered to put up much of a fight if all I'd be living for was a longer period of misery. He'll never quite understand that — that he can be wrong.
Similar to other nights, I saw those same village children. They were sneaking out again. Oh, how I craved that privilege — being able to step outside. I'd give my life to swim in that frigid water, to feel the sun burning my skin, or even to touch coarse, dying grass. If only it wouldn't kill me, then I'd spend every moment in peace. They had come from the woods, a group of seven racing each other to the sparkling lake. Some jumped in, others were pushed in or dragged down. Their laughter made my heart ache.
The past four years had been the hardest as I watched everyone I knew move on and leave as I was forced to stay. Even with me being the prince, by now, most royalty had traveled or at least gone to a neighboring kingdom. I haven't gone since I was eleven. The most interaction with other people I had was during these parties, but I can't stand them. I'd be better off walking with a rat than some of the royals and upperclass men who come. There were few and far-between moments where I could remember actually enjoying these parties. Once was as a child when I was the one being celebrated, because why wouldn't I love that, and another was when we still had our annual kingdom gala where even the lower-class came and enjoyed the festivals. I don’t know why we stopped doing those.
The children were splashing the water at each other. With all their screams and laughter, it must have been cold. Not long after the water fight, a girl and boy ran off to the side. They moved towards the castle, hiding behind a tree and getting out of view of their friends. They kissed. That was just another thing I'd kill for. I ended up watching, though I felt like a creep. Regardless, I couldn't make myself look away. It wasn't because they were kissing. I didn't care about that. They both seemed so happy to be together. I always feared I'd never experience that. My mother used to always promise me that when I found the right person, I would know it the second I saw them. The more time went on, the more I began to doubt her. My father swore up and down that I would find a bride, but even now I could tell he was beginning to doubt his own words.
Soon, the couple's friends called them back over. They pushed each other around some before racing back to their group. Everyone was so full of life. I wished to be like that again. I looked back at the moon's reflection. For years, I'd wondered what my reflection would look like in the water ripples. The moon was glowing know, a bright blue. Though, that seemed wrong. After all of these years I'd been watching it, I'd never seen anything like it. It was beautiful.
There was screaming coming from the village children. I had to stand on my windowsill to see what was happening, but even then all I could see was one of the boys on the ground with everyone staying - some crying and one girl desperately shaking him. Something was clearly wrong, and then I noticed the blue glow wasn't from the moon. It was from the direction of the village, but I still couldn't see what it was.
My window was locked on account of the multiple times I'd attempted to go and sit outside on the balcony. The lock did very little to stop me. I'd managed to pick the lock before, but now my hands were shaking too badly to manage it. Resulting to rather rash measures, I grabbed an ugly gift from some old nobleman, throwing it into the glass and shattering it. I did my best to carefully climb out, though was unsuccessful as I sliced my palm. That ended up being the least of my worries. One of our military bases was engulfed in blue flames that reached up to the sky, dancing with the stars. I would have called it a beautiful sight if I didn't know what it was burning. It was burning my people.
I finally saw what had happened to the children. The boy was dead. There was an arrow piecing through his skull. All of his friends were gone now, even the girl who seemed so desperate. Was that what happened even with people who loved you? They would simply leave if you were hurt — or worse?
The guards outside my door hadn't come in yet. They should have. If they were there, they would have heard the glass break. Something was wrong at the party as well.
I did a better job of climbing back inside, quickly grabbing a cloth and putting pressure on the cut. Blood soaked through it much quicker then I was expecting, but I hardly had time for that — especially as I grew dizzy. Between the blood, the worry, and the adrenaline of what was happening, my body was crashing much sooner than the average person's. This was different from anything I was used to. The most exciting and draining thing I did this entire week was walk up that staircase more than three times in an hour, and even then I felt faint. I got to my bedroom doors, going to open them but stumbling. I fell into the doors, catching myself on them. It had the same effect, opening the doors to find no guards stationed outside like intended. I had to use the door as a crutch, wobbling regardless as I tried to get as close to the railing on the opposite side of the hall as I could.
I all but threw myself into the railing on the other side of the hall. Struggling to keep my balance, I looked over. It was eerily quiet. Everyone below was on the ground, collapsed into what looked like a slumber. That didn't make any sense. How was everyone asleep? I was beginning to feel more and more sickly. My head was spinning, and my vision began to blur.
If I had been in a better state, I might have heard whoever it was walking up behind me. They grabbed me, pulling me flush against their chest and covering my mouth with a cloth. It smelt of awful chemical. I attempted to kick him off, but I failed. I felt myself getting drowsy and my body was allowing it, exhausted.
—
I woke up with my head in the lap of Evander, who was attempting to smile down at me. It was one I knew all to well as the one he gave me when delivering bad news. "Glad to see you're awake, young prince," he greeted. "Are you alright? You were in quite a state when they brought you down."
"What do you mean? What's happening?" I asked, trying to sit up but getting a shooting pain through my head. He guided my head back into his lap, just like he did when I was a child with these pains. "There was an attack. Sunray."
Sunray. They were the kingdom from the mountains, protected by and worshiping the sun goddess Surya. Known for forcibly creating trade agreements with other kingdoms after invading them. It was them who must have set fire to the base and killed those children. "It will be okay. They've taken your father, most likely to talk about whatever they want from us."
"Who is they?" Normally, it was their king who always led these sorts of invasions. "The king and the prince of Sunray. I suppose he's begun learning from his father." Evander explained for me. "I've only ever heard rumors about the boy, but he's apparently very similar to his father."
Everything I'd ever heard whispered about the King of Sunray was of his cruelty and brutality. There wasn't much to do. Our armies were nowhere near as proficient as theirs. We would stand no chance. Not to mention that if my father considered denying whatever they ask, they'd have him killed without any hesitation. Everything depended on what they asked for.
The rest of the party goers were awake, the last few rising now. They all seemed equally confused, or they did until they noticed the Sunray soldiers around us that I had failed to originally noticed. I still felt sickly, but I'd got used to that feeling over the years. Now, my head seemed to be stilling. Even when I tried explaining that to Evander, he refused to let me rise. I felt where the cut had been on my hand. It was bandaged now by Evander. It stung still, but it didn't seem to be bleeding through the wrapping.
More and more time continued to pass. Eventually, I saw the sun begin to creep through the windows. I wasn't aware negotiations, even ones of such an intense manner like this, took so long. Time seemed to move slower as we waited.
Once the light was shining through into the center of the room, two soldiers from Sunray finally came out of the room where negotiations were being held. One held a scroll from Moonbeam while the other held one from Sunray. Together, they cleared their throats to gather the room's attention - though they already had it.
The one with the Moonbeam scroll read first, stating "Per the negotiations between the Kingdom of Moonbeam and the Kingdom of Sunray, Moonbeam will receive military aid if necessary, equal trade with the Kingdom of Sunray, and a firm ally in any context."
That was odd. Those were all things we need, or we would at least benefit from. Evander looked equally confused, but before I could question him about it, the soldier with the Sunray scroll began. "In exchange for military aid, trade, and ally-ship, Prince Vikram of Sunray will be wed to Prince Orion of Moonbeam within the next cycle to the sun."
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hi there, here to review as promised
I assume this is the chapter you were referring to.
I have no idea what this sentence is supposed to be saying, but it's definitely not grammatically correct.
I really like this bit.
Well. That's a bummer xD
This is an interesting piece. I like the use of the moon and the lake with the children to serve as both a literal and metaphorical reflection of Prince Vikram's predicament. I woould have liked to understand a bit more of why he is sick though? What are his symptoms? Why would telescopes be affecting his health? I get that his father is perhaps a bit unreasonable with his parenting, and there is a clear celestial connection in this story, but that seemed like a really odd thing to do with no additional context.
As for the prose itself, it's okay. There is a bit of repetition in many of the paragraphs. One way to make it a bit more engaging is also to put things in motion and action. So instead of "more time began to pass" just say time passed.
It would help if we felt more emotion from Prince Vikram as well. This is 1st person, so we can really get very deep into the mind and emotions of him. When he sees dead children, does he screech, does he cover his mouth, or do his hands tremble? As he realizes something may have gone wrong in the party does the pit in his stomach grow?
A little more uncertainty about his father when he first wakes up would be realistic as well. A bit of conflicting emotion to pair with how annoyed he was with him just an hour before.
And why did the Sunray kingdom kill some random innocent children, but not royal people at the party? Why did they kill anyone at all or burn anything is they are entering into an alliance? I understand that they are a bit more muscle than Moonbeam, but why not just make a show of force through intimidation? Killing kids seems really drastic and uncalled for, given their motivations.
The ending is a great hook: will Vikram go? Will his father trying to rescue him? Will their be war?
Hope this helps,
~Messy