I watch the rain fall
From a sky too big for my eyes
The clouds release a thousand different sparks
Before they vanish the moment they touch the ground
The earth feels freshly painted
By the quiet brush of rain
I feel small
Standing beneath such a sky
Yet somehow,
The one who made the rain
In all it’s sparks and beauty
made me too.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
Hi! This is lovely, you've captured a really magical yet universal experience of watching the rain. I wonder if some punctuation could be used to add emphasis, maybe before 'I feel small' to make the reader stop and pause before entering a new idea. I love how that line in particular is actually shorter, the structure really mirrors the ideas you are conveying.
The religious aspect is very interesting because it is so unobtrusive. I feel like it settles into the poem brilliantly and creates an enlightening as well as wondrous revelation about inner beauty which links to the idea of the sky (and all it may hold and symbolise) being too big. It feels very Wordsworth in the delight at nature and simple things, and also how seamlessly your speaker fits into the world around them, the world you have created in so few words.
Keep writing, this is already so much better than anything I could do, well done!
Bzz - hello -bzz
A bee is here to review your work!
Pollinating
First impressions
Good morning! I remember you put this poem up on your wall, asking for reviews. Well, ask and you shall receive :3
Bee Buddies!
Opinion on Characters
I take this as an opportunity to talk abt the character of the poem itself. I feel like it puts me in the right mood. As if I know exactly what the poem wants to describing, feeling immersed in the rain :3
I also feel like the awe and wonder of the narrator at such a phenomenon really comes through!
Flying Home
Summary
This is a lovely little poem about rain with a religious twist :3
Wasp Attack!
Critiques and Suggestions
I’m not quite sure what you mean by the sky being too big for your eyes. Is this bc no matter where you look, you cannot perceive all of the sky?
I’m also not sure why the earth only “feels” freshly painted because… it sounds like rain did happen, no? This might be the language barrier but when you describe something as feels then it gives me the impression that it didn’t happen, more something similar has happened. I guess you want to say that ofc rain itself can’t paint so the earth being wet “feels” like rain painted smthing?
Queen Bee
Best parts
I really like how you describe the clouds releasing sparks! I at first thought that this meant thunder and lightning but the next verse tells us that the sparks dissipate when touching the ground so this might also be a creative way to describe raindrops :3 Either way, love the description!
Honey Flavor
Closing thoughts
I like how you can feel how small the narrator feels at the end. Not only bc they cannot perceive the sky in its entirety but also that under such an event, there has to be ~something~ of greater meaning out there. I feel like this is set up very well :3
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Flying over to the other side now, are we? XD
For a sec, I thought I did something wrong, used the wrong template or something and nearly had a heart attack O_O
But then I realised this is abt reviewing poetry, huh?
This poem really captures the essence of nature through your own eyes. It could definitely be improved (maybe this is just out of personal preference) but a line of imagery maybe of the use of some eclipses. Either way, it's a good start. Keep at it!
Hey there welcome to yws and first of all this is a great poem you didnt do too much you gave a average poem but it gave a excellent feeling the comparison the sky is too big for my eyes made me as th reader make me think you felt small in such a big world but so special wow
Hey there, sara! Welcome to YWS, hope you're enjoying your time here. I'm Alex, and I'll reviewing this lovely poetry of yours today. Let's start~
I like the imagery it comes along with like humans are just a tiny spec in front of this vast nature. There's also this metaphor that the narrator's eye are too small and humanly flawed to contain the beauty of the raining sky that they so love, almost similiar to how the clouds could no longer hold the water. I don't know if that meaning was intentional, but it's beautiful nevertheless!
This take is certainly interesting but might be undoing the tender foundation you've established till now. Plus, release comes across as a bit more on the technical side to me. What about something like 'the clouds shower their love in a thousand drops at once' or 'the clouds cry a thousand drops of tears'. You can go either way, but you could creatively explain why their tears are saltless if you go for the second one. Just laying out some ideas!
I feel this was too long to fit the structure, maybe a cut version with a more prominent imagery could work better like- 'But they melt into the ground instantly'. But of course, it's your decision only!
Oh, how I love this! The imagery is so rich and innovative- a very specific vivid image comes into my head. Definitely the highlight of the poem, and it works wonderfully. Beautiful writing!
This is good, but it feels repetitive with the first lines I quoted. If this were a more organised rhythmic piece, it'd have more more of an impact. But since your work leans towards free verse, it kinda cancels the satisfaction the earlier version gave. I feel like you can do away with it altogether!
Beautiful concept, sara! In fact I wrote one on a similiar theme a while back, if you wanted to check it out: Why pride not?
This was a pleasureable read, thank you for sharing! It may benefit from improvements but it's good regardless. Keep writing, hoping I get to read and review more from you.
Love, Alex
Thank you soo much for your review, I will definitely read the poem you recommended.
Yooo, Aster herreeee!!
And oh my god, this piece is GORGEOUS 🌸✨️
First of all, I really liked the imagery here “A sky too big for my eyes” is such a pretty way of describing the feeling of standing under something so huge, and I also really liked the “quiet brush of rain” line.
Second, I loved how the poem slowly shifts from the speaker feeling small to realizing that they're part of that same beauty too. It feels like a really simple thought, but there's something comforting about it.
Third, the ending is definitely my favourite part!! The idea that the same creator who made something as beautiful as the rain also made the speaker is really sweet, and I think it gives the poem a lot more meaning than it initially seems to have.
Now, onto a couple of things you could improve!
First, “The clouds release a thousand different sparks” is pretty, although I initially pictured lightning when I read “sparks.” If you're referring to the raindrops themselves, maybe making that image a little clearer could help.
Second, I'd play around with the rhythm in a few places. Some of the longer lines feel a little different from the shorter ones around them, so tweaking the wording might make the whole thing flow more smoothly. Also, tiny correction: “it’s sparks” should be “its sparks”
Overall, I really enjoyed this! It's simple, peaceful and has a lovely little realization at the end. I especially liked that you didn't overcomplicate the message.
Hope to see more from you!
And damn, this is so so good for a first poem 😭💖
Thank you sooo much, I really appreciate your honesty and this means a lot to me, because it’s the first time that I share my work with literally anyone and I love that you liked it.
I tried writing poems before like I tried many times and it just wasn’t good, after like a loooot of tries and a looot of time I finally came up with something.
No problem! Trust me, this is my first time sharing my pieces too.
But you're super duper talented! 🍀✨️
Thank youuuuuu🫶🏻
For a first poem, I have to say I am impressed! This poem beautifully contrasts the natural world with personal identity. keep up the good work pen pal!
Thanks sooo much. Appreciate it
your welcome!
This is absolutely beautiful. And for your first poem it's actually too good. I like how you make reference to the creator
Thank you veryy muchh
This was the first poem i ever wrote, i spent weeks trying to perfect it, even thought its short, it means a lot to me. Because its what inspired me to continue writing in the first place, and its the reason that i know that i am capable of such thing. Now idk how perfect it really is, i wrote it a long time ago and i held onto it, i. Didn’t want to change anything about it, that’s why i posted it here hoping for some honest reviews.