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142,323 Literary Works • 677,258 Reviews
Nice poem! I liked how, at first, I didn't actually get what the poem was about, but as you get towards the end and read the last stanza, I finally got what you were talking about.
I like how you used very discriptive words in this poem; I can almost imagine doing all these things in my mind. Very captivating, short, but a good read.
One of the best poems I've read on here since I joined.
-Jane
I like a good mystery...let me guess - at first, you're talking about a ship, right? Or a boat of some sort? I assume that because you say you'll tether it to the pier, practice knots with it, and that you can see the rotting areas.
But then, I got confused. You also said you'd string it around your neck, that it is not 'large thoughts,' and that it is a 'blue glass bottle.' Firstly, how can you tie an actual-bottle-sized-blue-glass-bottle to your neck; and if it really is a blue glass bottle (in the shape of a ship or with one inside it), then are you thus imagining it to be much larger and life-sized when you say you'll tie knots in its hair, and all that?
Aside from that glaring mystery, I especially liked:
This is a sweet and captivating image. I think, that this is almost another poem in itself - without the discrepancies, without the conflicting messages - I can just imagine an entire poem being written about a plain blue glass bottle innocently sitting at an open window.
Other than that, flow-wise, it flows reasonably well throughout - but just be carefuly not to use hard-sounding words at the ends of lines such as 'that,' and 'husk' etc - they tend to jolt the flow just a little
An original idea, and a very cute idea overall!