Always Far

by sherineahmed

Published January 18, 2014

E - Everyone

In short poetry

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You told me he is not my father,

You assured me that you are,

Yet why when I most need it,

He is close and you are far.

Comments & reviews · 3
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AEChronicle
Review
AEChronicle wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2014

This is great work! Short, yes, but the words are strong enough to get their message across. All I can think of is "burn" on father who says he is the father.

This is so true to life in a lot of cases, even with is. Those we are closest to often get neglected by us, because they're always there, they're expendable, so we find someone else, a friend or mentor or etc. to get the help that we need. You did a great job of portraying this in the poem.

Like I said, very good, and I liked reading the four lines.

Thank you sherineahmed!

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rhiasofia
Review
rhiasofia wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2014

Hey there, review time.

I really like how brief this one is, it really works. As for the content, I have to admit that I love this. It's really well written, but it also speaks to me, and surely lots of other people. I have a step-dad whom I love as a father, who's so supportive and always around. Then, I have a biological father who I haven' seen in years, who never paid child support, who was never around. And yet, he thought he had a place to be mad that I called him by his name and my step-father "Dad". I'm sure this is really meaningful to lots of others, too. I really love it, keep it up!

One thing though, shouldn't the punctuation on the last line be a question mark?

User avatar
Apricity
Review
Apricity wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2014

Hey there, sherineahmed. Subtle here to review for ya!

This is a pretty short poem, but everybody seems to be writing short poems nowadays so I suppose it fits in pretty well. However, short poems are always risky but I love how you've written this one here. Is...very..different. But there is just one nitpick:

Yet why when i most need it,
Watch out for the 'i', it needs to be a capital I.

The ending though a bit cliche, ties up the poem effectively. So good job! Best of luck in your future writing!

-S.s

thanks for your comments guys. they are very helpful and i would also like to thank you for your understanding



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